So I just recently found myself committing to a long-distance relationship. I always naturally swore off these kinds of relationships. That is until I found someone worth trying it for.
I think it’s in a way, easier than I thought because we are both very independent people. We always enjoyed each other’s company and even preferred to end the night together, so I was pretty nervous when he moved. I mean, was I going to realize that our relationship wasn’t going to work, or was he going to change his mind? Or as extreme as, “what if I lost myself in this relationship.”
To my relief, NONE of those things happened. Of course, I miss him, like a lot. However, I’m truly at peace, I feel very connected to him and have almost seamlessly flowed back into my personal, thankfully. This just doesn’t happen though, it does take work and consideration. It’s normal for things to be wack at first.
There are numerous elements to a long-distance relationship, and one portion is intimacy and sex. This isn’t the same for every person or relationship by any means. The beauty of this is that there aren’t rules, you and your partner get to make your own. Surprisingly, a lot of my friends are in long-distance relationships.
I have asked five of my friends what they do to keep up on their relationships and here’s what we have to say!
Phone Sex
Phone sex is something my boyfriend and I like to do. Sometimes we will just be on the phone and it happens, which is the best, it just feels so natural.
I won’t lie the first time, it is pretty awkward because it has to be more a of planned thing compared to sex in person. But if you are comfortable with it and okay with the process of trial and error or pushing through the awkwardness, it is worth it. Remember, phone sex relies on you and your partner being invested and most importantly comfortable with it.
You can spice it up with long-distance sex toys or a facetime call!
The occasional sext
Just like phone sex, it can be fun and great but can feel extremely awkward. Because, really, the stuff people say in bed sounds weird as hell when typing it out or saying it out loud over the phone.
This method can be hit or miss for me personally. I like texting about when I am in the mood or something I specifically miss, but rarely do I actually “traditionally sext” or get fully get off to texting. Although, the occasional sext is so fun!
I was in New York this past weekend and my boyfriend sent me a random sext. It didn’t even lead to anything but it was fun, sexy and honestly nice to hear once in a while. The occasional sext doesn’t have to be erotica or a hot, dirty thing but sometimes to spice up your conversation and keep each other interested.
love letters and care packages
Intimacy can be found and should be found in other places besides sex. It is important to learn each other’s love languages and how they communicate through those languages.
In my relationship, physical touch played a huge role for us, a brush on my face was equivalent to an “I love you.” Being across the country, that hasn’t been able to happen so words of affirmation and affection have been prominent.
So detailed affectionate texts or even love letters can really just make you feel grounded. If you are an act of service kind of person, sending a love letter or little care packages could be perfect. These don’t have to financially straining either! You can put together a memory box or simply send a package of candy with a note or inside joke. Small gestures can make you feel secure, grounded and growing in love.
facetime or zoom dates
This is obvious but it is important! I am personally more biased toward traditional phone calls but I was so surprised how much seeing your partner’s face while you are having a conversation can make you feel extremely connected to them. The downside to that is realizing how much you miss them. Depending on how much time you guys require to talk to each other, you have to make it a priority. It is so easy to say “can we call later?” and push it off but before you know it you slip into a hole of being too comfortable with that, and that puts you more against each other, rather than being together.
I find it easier to designate a meal to them, hell, even a snack. Hop on Facetime or Zoom and treat it as a date. If you treat it as a normal date, such as getting ready, doing things such as eating, catching each other up or getting to know each other, then it will begin to feel natural.
While having this distance, you both will encounter situations that will make you grow as a person and that can be hard to demonstrate over the phone. It is important to still get to know each other, no matter how long you have been dating. Ask the far-out questions and flirt with each other as if you are still trying to win the other over. Keep the romance alive.
photos throughout the day
I do this both in my relationship and in my friendships. Sometimes texting is actually difficult, it just doesn’t feel the same with some people as it does talking on the phone or being in person with them. I found that sending pictures throughout the day of what you are doing, as well as responding to a picture with a picture can make you feel more involved in their life. Especially if you guys are both the busy type. It gives you a close-up feeling of seeing their day-to-day life without being there. It can make the time and distance not feel as long.
Try it out!
It was relieving and comfortable knowing that there was commonality between my friends and me in regards to how we take care of our relationships. However, it is important to remember that what works for someone else, doesn’t mean it will work for you. It’s important to note that you and your partner are no physically longer together, which means that you guys are growing, alone, in the place you’re in. Growing together but separately, if that makes sense. That being said, make sure it is a priority that you continue to get to know each other. At the end of the day, if it doesn’t work out, at least you know that you did what you could to try.
I wish nothing but healthy communication and love for you all! xoxo