Ever since I can remember, I have always been disappointed by my summers. I would spend the whole year looking forward to it, and it would end with me feeling like I missed something. Of course it was nice having no school and less responsibility, but it just never lived up to my expectations. People in my high school spent their summers partying and hanging out, I spent my summers working and feeling left out. I felt like this every single summer without fail, until this last one. The summer before my first year of college was the best by far. It was a summer that I’m not quite sure I will ever live up to again.
I do think we need some backstory before I continue though. All throughout high school, I never really felt like I fully fit in anywhere. I spent most of my four years feeling alone and like I would never find my people. Of course I had a few close friends that I knew I could count on. In fact, I spent most of my summers with my very best friend who I have known since kindergarten. But this summer was different than all the rest. For most of that summer we weren’t speaking. We had gotten into a fight early summer about something you should never ever fight about with your best friend: a boy.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m actually really glad we had this fight. Looking back I know it was ridiculous and stupid but it taught me something really important. It taught me how to let go. Up until that point my best friend and I had never fought before. We are very different people. All throughout our friendship I felt like I was holding back. I learned this summer that I hate confrontation. I spent our whole friendship biting my tongue because I didn’t want to argue with her. I was scared to share things with her because I thought if I told her what bothered me, she wouldn’t want to be friends anymore. I was terrified that if she left I would be all alone. That summer exactly what I feared came true. And to my surprise, I was completely okay.
If I’m being honest I was more than okay. After that, I realized that most of my issues with my past summers were all in my head. I felt upset because people were leaving me out, but why did I care so much? Why would I want to spend time with people who obviously didn’t want to spend time with me? I spent that summer mostly alone, and I loved every single second of it. I learned to stop letting people who don’t care about me affect me so much. And I also learned that I need to speak up to people. My best friend and I made up at the end of summer and I’m glad we did. But I won’t stay silent if she’s doing something that upsets me. That summer taught me that I can’t live my life worried about other people and how they will react to how I feel. No matter what happens I know that I will be ok. That was one of the many lessons that came from dating that boy last summer.