I did not recognize that my sexuality came with terms and conditions until I started dating a man.
I have known that I am queer ever since I was 11 years old. I remember telling my friend in the sixth grade as we were organizing books in the library instead of going to recess. She instantly backed up from me, thinking that I had liked her. Obviously, I did not, but that was the response I received.
I kept that part of my life hidden for another three years. Coming out at 11? Nobody would take me seriously. I can’t say they took me seriously when I came out at 14, though, either. My mother was the first family member I came out to. She was supportive. I don’t know if she believed me, but the support was enough for me.
I then came out to both of my sisters, who both responded in kind, and then my father was the last to know. I was so afraid to tell him, but I found comfort in knowing he was supportive of his gay brother. And of course, my dad was supportive of me, as well.
I had my first queer relationship at 15. Nobody treated me differently, and everyone supported me. My Nana had a hard time coming to terms with it, though. She still does. That relationship lasted a little over three months. I didn’t have another relationship after that until a year and a half later, with the same girl. We dated for eight months when I was 17.
After her, I dated only men. Not that I wasn’t into women anymore, I just found guys I genuinely liked. I have always been cautious when it comes to men, though, because in my experience, most of them have ill intentions, but the one I found after her was nice. We dated for two months, and that’s when my Nana started invalidating my bisexuality severely.
She told me that he was such a nice man and was questioning why I would ever return to dating women. Maybe it was because he was a Christian, as was she, and that made her like him all the more. And he was a nice guy, he truly was. He treated me great, but it just wasn’t what I was destined for.
I then went on dates with multiple men during my first month of college until I finally settled on one. I am still with him now. Seven months strong, and we already have plans for the summer. And it’s great! It really is. But, suddenly, I am straight. Suddenly, I am no longer attracted to women. And suddenly, I am not bisexual at all.
It really hurts to hear, especially since my bisexuality has been a part of my identity for so long. I am proud of it. I love being bisexual, and I love this community. And recently, I heard someone I know say that you are no longer bisexual if you are dating someone of the opposite gender. That is not true at all.
I have been intimate with both men and women, and I can’t say I hated either. I enjoyed both of my experiences, and if I ended up hating it with a woman, whatever, I guess you can call me straight if you want, but I didn’t hate it. It was a positive experience, and I have no regrets. But, of course, there will be men and old women in my life who tell me that I am not queer.
My Nana still tells me that it was “just a phase” and I was too young to know anything. Which isn’t true! I hate being invalidated for my bisexuality, and I hate the people who think they can just assume that as soon as a bisexual person dates someone of the opposite gender and suddenly determine they are not bisexual. That’s like telling a straight man that he no longer finds Megan Fox attractive because he’s in a relationship.
Helloooo…are we seeing how stupid this sounds yet? Because I sure am. I am with a man, and I have been with a woman. I am bisexual when I am single, I am bisexual when I date women, and I am unequivocally bisexual right now.