Trauma is a very real problem that many people deal with. Surprisingly, many of us have experienced trauma without even realizing it. According to Psychology Today, “Trauma is a person’s emotional response to a distressing experience. Few people can go through life without encountering some kind of trauma.” Trauma can come from many different things such as life threatening events, abusive relationships, childhood events and so much more. With that being said, holding onto these unknown mental blocks can have serious effects on your mental health and relationships with those around you, especially romantic relationships. So how can trauma and your response to it affect your relationships?
Understanding trauma and how it affects you is the first step to understanding how it affects your relationships. When you are in a relationship, a major part of being with someone is opening up about anything and everything that has happened to you. As scary as it sounds, it is important to open up with your partner because it can help you fully understand your person and how they handle hard times since everyone handles them differently. Trauma can show itself in sneaky ways that you might not be able to recognize as trauma responses. Some of these include anxiety and depression, avoidance and unhealthy communication habits. However, from the perspective of a partner, these look like relationship red flags rather than a response to trauma. Being able to recognize trauma responses makes it easier for both parties to see the bigger picture within the relationship and find solutions to problems easier.
Unresolved trauma in relationships is a lot to handle for both parties and conquering it is a lot of work as well. It takes a lot of time, effort and communication. However, your partner’s trauma is not yours to fix. In a relationship, it is not healthy for one person to try to “fix” the other person because someone else’s trauma is not your responsibility. In a relationship, it is both people’s responsibility to listen to each other and help each other out when times are hard rather than try to “fix” each other. Sometimes, unresolved emotional damage can be the breaking point in a relationship and that is okay. Working on yourself and taking care of your own mental health always takes precedence over staying in a relationship that is not healthy.
You can have experienced trauma and still be in a healthy relationship while working on yourself. Communication and effort is key when it comes to opening up about your own personal struggles. On the bright side of open communication, you will be able to narrow the playing field of potential suitors because you will quickly find who is willing to share those vulnerable moments with you and anyone who is not willing to is not ready for a healthy relationship. Set boundaries, be open and honest and you will attract people who are on the same wavelength as you are!