“What kind of girl are you?” There are infinite ways to respond to that question. Not in the way you think. The answer won’t be anything like “I’m a funny girl who loves animals” or “I’m creative and curious.” Instead, they’ll be more in the vein of “Vanilla girl,” “It-girl,” “E-girl,” “Academic validation girl,” “Cool girl” or “Diet Coke girl.” You’ll also get a different answer depending on the time of year. Society has pushed women to fall into genres of existence. TikTok and other forms of social media promote this hyper-categorization. These may seem like innocent trends, but they are actually very dangerous ideas. We are being told that we, as women, cannot exist as we are or how we want to be. We must conform by choosing an aesthetic for ourselves and sticking with it.
The categories used to be a short list. You were either a basic girly girl who drank Starbucks and read John Green books, wore Uggs and listened to Taylor Swift. It was also believed these girls were inferior to those who liked “emo” music and read fantasy novels. This was in middle school though. We’ve all grown up since then, haven’t we? Maybe we tried, but things got worse. I remember my senior year of high school I went through such a rough identity crisis, I had no idea who I actually was. The perception other people had of me was not based on my interests or abilities or attributes, but how I looked. I thought everyone was supposed to perfectly fit one category or another. But I didn’t want to confine myself to one aesthetic. Even in those immature middle school years, I found myself enjoying elements of the “basic” girl and the “different” girl. There was and is no need to feel superior to anyone else because of how we present ourselves. The hashtags we use on TikTok do not define us. Women will never see true liberation until we stop placing labels on ourselves and putting ourselves in boxes.
Not only is it dangerous in feeling secure in ourselves, but this behavior also promotes overconsumption and consumerism. In order to actually be whatever kind of girl is in demand that month, you have to rework your wardrobe, use specific beauty products, get your nails done a certain way and even read certain books. But ask yourself just once if you actually enjoy any of it. Do you like the outfit you’re wearing because you feel comfortable and confident in it, or because Bella Hadid wore it? Do you think Colleen Hoover is a good writer or have you just never read another author in your life because you’re so used to being told what to read and what to like? Are you buying 10 books at a time because you’re interested in the content and will actually read them? Or are you excited to post a book haul and aesthetic shots of your bookshelf when you get home?
To be a woman is to perform. But it doesn’t have to be. Was Amy Dunne’s “Cool Girl” monologue not groundbreaking enough? By putting ourselves into these boxes, we are doing a favor for men and the patriarchy. They love nothing more than to tie us down to what they want. We cannot change, we cannot grow and we cannot separate our identities from our performances. Dress however you want, do your hair however you want, read whatever you want and buy whatever you want without sticking a label on it. It is never going to end if we keep accepting that we cannot be multifaceted. True happiness and self-acceptance come from within, not from Alix Earle or Hailey Bieber or whoever is on Call Her Daddy this week. It’s about unlearning these systems which placed us into boxes to begin with and understanding what actually makes us happy.