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How to know when to throw in the towel when it comes to relationships

You’ve hit a crossroad. You got into another fight with your SO but you tell yourself it hasn’t always been like this. You reminisce on those pleasant memories that made you fall in love in the first place. Every relationship has its highs and lows, the challenge is determining if the low points are outweighing the good. Deciding to end a relationship that has been such a big part of your life can be a difficult decision, even when the relationship is causing you more pain than it is happiness. You think maybe you can stick it through and you’ll be closer because of it. You know that love takes effort and you were ready for the long haul. Yet there is a nagging feeling that things aren’t right and you just can’t shake it.  He might be a great person and you feel like you should be happy. You’re just not happy or maybe you don’t like the person you are when you’re with him. Either way, if you’re struggling with the question “should I stay or should I go” then read on.

1. You love the idea of them more than you actually love them. 

This could mean that you love the way it used to be and you’re in love with the memories more than the person that’s standing in front of you. This could also mean that you just don’t want to be single again and you love the comfort and the stability the relationship brings into your life, but you don’t actually love the person you are with.

2.  Hanging out with them is a chore

You try to find every excuse to not see them.  When you are with them you just think of all the things you have to get done or could be doing with your time.  You’d rather be hanging out with someone else.

3.  Communication is lacking (a lot)

Take into account that different people have different communication styles and try to notice if you aren’t really having good conversations anymore. Being with them consists more of sitting in silence than it is talking about one’s day.  You don’t tell them important things that happen in your life anymore.  With a long distance relationship communication is especially important. If either one of you stops putting in the effort to communicate openly and often then that is a red flag.

4.  You criticize and micro-manage everything your partner does

There are obviously some underlying problems here.  If you feel like you have to control everything in your partner’s life then that’s because you don’t truly love them enough to give them their freedom and let them free from your grasp. You’d rather change them to be someone that you could actually love.  Which leads to…

5. You try to change your partner

Maybe you are really different from your partner and you just wish they would be able to sense when something is wrong, like you can when they are upset. Maybe you wish they’d dress better or not sway back and forth when they talked. If you’re trying to change your partner then they are not the right person for you.  It doesn’t make sense to be with someone that you want to change from their true self.

6.  You have different needs for intimacy

There’s no right combination of emotional and sexual intimacy, but when partners have vastly different preferences that leads to loneliness.  This can also lead to resentment and bitterness towards one’s partner.

7.  Lack of support for being the best you

If your partner doesn’t support you in making decisions that benefit you and make you a better person then they are just going to hold you back. If they truly love you they would encourage you to make the choice that makes you happy even if that means they have to make sacrifices.

8.  You give more to the relationship and they don’t give enough

If you are reading this then you probably are the one giving more in the relationship.  It’s okay to be the one that cares more, but when you feel like you’re the only one fighting that is a sign that it’s time to let go. There comes a certain point where you won’t be able to give anymore. Not only will you have nothing left, but you’ll also get nothing in return.  When things get to the point where you are frustrated because you feel like you are the only one fighting for this relationship then you have to walk away because if they did love you they’d make it happen. Loving someone isn’t enough for a relationship to last. It takes two people that are willing to continue to love each other and respect one another to make a relationship work.

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Mira Hoo

Kent State

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