In the last 21 years, I’ve had lots of crushes—who doesn’t? The kindergarten crush, the first guy I ever slow danced with, the first kiss, the celebrity crush, the first boyfriend…I could go on. Every turn you take in life teaches you something different. Every person you meet, every place you visit and every experience leads you down a different path. As I’ve gone down my path there has been four relationships of significance. Whether they actually turned into something more or were all in my head, I learned something from each, and they have shaped who I am today. I learned how to be authentically myself and how I want others to view me. That wouldn’t be possible without these four people and these four realizations. As I continue to swipe through today’s so-called dating scene, these are four things I always keep in mind.
You are no one’s second choice.
No matter how perfect you think someone is or how amazing you are imagining your future together, you should never be anyone’s second choice—this can apply to any aspect of life. It took me a long time to come to terms with this one because it’s hard to realize why someone wouldn’t be interested in me because I think I’m pretty cool and my opinion is truly the only one that matters. There is no reason to waste your time wondering if someone is going to text you back or follow through after canceling plans multiple times. If they’re not mature enough to have a legit conversation saying, hey we tried, but I just don’t think it’s going to work out, they’re not the one. Someone shouldn’t just be interested when it’s convenient for them, and you shouldn’t sit around and wait for nothing to ever happen.
It is okay to stick up for yourself.
Has he been leading you on for months? Sends those explicit late night Snapchats? Drunkenly kisses you when he knows how you feel? Stick up for yourself and ask why because you’ll never know the answers to your questions if you don’t ask. There is no reason to sit around and wonder why or what you potentially did wrong when every action comes with an explanation, no matter how much you catch someone off guard. Although confrontation can be scary, talking it out in person is the only way to tie any loose ends. It gives you the chance to say your piece, ask questions and voice concerns, while you’re able to see their instant reactions. It doesn’t give them the chance to think of a response behind their screen, and it just makes you feel so damn good about yourself.
Your long-time crush isn’t always as amazing as you’ve dreamed.
For two and a half years I had a crush, and it was all fun and games until he made his move, and frankly, I had the bar set too high. I had dreamed of a magical movie moment where everyone else in the room disappeared, but for me, it was just awkward, which was also kind of disappointing after all of the build-up. This made me realize that even though someone looks good on paper and checks all of your boxes, that doesn’t mean you will click. Not that I’m complaining about how all of my freshman year dreams came true, I just expected too much and that is often-times unrealistic.
I am definitely a relationship person.
With hookup culture being so prominent, it is often difficult to be the girl who would rather stay in and have a movie night than go out and wake up in a strangers bed—not that it’s a bad thing, but it is often highly glorified. Although I have only had one serious relationship I have learned that I get attached and that commitment and ambition are attractive. I have learned what I want and what I look for, and I’m not one to go for pizza delivery guys, random hookups or one night stands. I’d rather truly open up and get to know one amazing guy than be familiar with twenty guys who are only okay. I like to know that I am just as important to the other person as they are to me, which ties back to not being anyone’s second choice and knowing what YOU want out of something.