Three out of 10 adults in the United States said they participated in online dating in 2019. Of these adults, 12% said their experience resulted in a long-term committed relationship or marriage. These numbers are based on a survey of 4,860 people by the Pew Research Center in 2019.
Compare this to 2013 when only around one out of 10 adults had used online dating, 3% of whom found themselves in a relationship. This was the first year online dating was more popular than traditional dating.
In the past decade, the popularity of online dating exploded alongside innovations in technology and the rise of social media. Today, there are countless dating apps and websites to choose from for those who are looking to meet romantic partners online.
However, while 22% of U.S. adults agree that online dating has affected their love life in a positive way, even more (26%) disagree.
This can be attributed to several concerns including the “gamification” of dating and the risk to safety that online dating presents.
Gamification relates dating apps to video games that operate on a variable reward schedule. In other words, a user will not swipe right on everyone and will not match with everyone they swipe right on. However, every so often they will receive a match. This random surge of dopamine is enough to keep a user swiping without thinking of the consequences.
Apps such as Tinder and Bumble allow users to forget they are viewing real people, not just stock photos said Ali Drucker, a freelance sex and relationship reporter.
Dating App Features & Ratings
According to the Apple App Store as of April 30, 2022
| Dating App | Number of Ratings | Star Rating (out of five) | Lifestyle Chart Position | How it Works |
| Tinder | 289K | 3.8 | 3 | Users swipe right to match and either party can message first |
| Bumble | 1.1M | 4.2 | 6 | After matching, the female must message first within 24 hours. In a same-sex match, either party can message first. |
| Hinge | 567K | 4.5 | 7 | Profiles include “prompts” or conversation starters. Users can “like” specific parts of a profile and comment on them. |
| OKCupid | 221K | 4.3 | 66 | Users create a profile by answering a series of questions. They can see if potential matches agree or disagree on certain issues. |
| Grindr | 191K | 4.6 | 39* | A platform for men to meet other men. No matching is required. Any user can message any other user nearby. |
| HER | 31K | 4.4 | 143 | Designed for queer women to find potential romantic interests and discover queer events in the user’s area. |
“It turns the experience of dating into a video game where you swipe, swipe, swipe and you forget there’s a person on the other end with real feelings,” Drucker said.
To avoid turning dating into a game, Drucker recommended avoiding unconscious swiping.
“Make sure you’re not passively looking at photos but more actively analyzing what attracts you in those photos,” Drucker said. “You can start to become more aware of the bigger picture.”
Once a match is made, Drucker encouraged users to look for people who ask engaging questions and seem to care about having a genuine conversation.
“I think we need to be really aware of who treats an online interaction with as much importance and care as though it were an in-person interaction,” Drucker said.
Safety is another concern users have while dating online. While a little over half of U.S. adults thought dating apps were safe in 2019, 46% thought they were potentially harmful. This is especially true for women, three out of five of whom ages 18-34 said another user continued to contact them even after they said they were not interested.
There seems to be more risk to online dating because users may not have any personal connection to the people they are meeting, Drucker said.
“When you’re a stranger in the real world and you don’t have that support system of knowing each other from classes or knowing each other from shared friend circles, … it’s scarier,” Drucker said.
Some precautions users can take to feel more secure include having a considerable conversation beforehand, meeting in a public place in the daylight and sharing one’s location with friends.
“Do all the safety checks that come to mind,” Drucker said, “like telling a friend where you’re going. Telling them you’re going to check-in at 10 p.m., and if I don’t, call me.”
Lainey Bodenburg
“Hey, are you looking for profile advice? Check my bio if you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
That is the first message senior fashion design major Lainey Bodenburg would send to her matches on Bumble.
“I mostly started it because I was like, ‘These guys have horrible profiles,’” Bodenburg said.
Some issues included incorrect grammar, low-quality pictures and an inability to decipher whose profile it truly was, she said.
Unsurprisingly, her message yielded varied results.
A lot of men were offended and claimed Bodenburg was “weird.” However, others accepted the advice with open arms and adjusted their profiles accordingly. Some even followed up to make sure the changes were an improvement.
After months of being on Bumble and not meeting anyone she could see herself in a relationship with, Bodenburg created a Tinder.
“It was kind of my last resort app,” she said.
However, after only a short time on the app, Bodenburg met her current boyfriend.
To people who feel as though they are not meeting anyone special, Bodenburg encourages patience.
“You have to be willing to talk to a lot of people,” Bodenburg said. “Realize who to give your time to.”
Lydia Bartek & Landon Bartula
During quarantine, it was difficult to meet new people in person due to strict regulations. Luckily, today’s digital age provided another way to reach out to potential romantic interests: dating apps.
“All during COVID I used Tinder as a way to meet people,” said senior mathematics major Landon Bartula. “We couldn’t meet anybody through class or through work, so it was the only way.”
Bartula met sophomore journalism major Lydia Bartek on Tinder in the thick of COVID. Now, they have been dating for over a year.
“Yes, we met on Tinder, but I completely forget that’s how I even met her because it’s not a part of our identity together,” Bartula said.
Bartek had been on Tinder for about a month when she matched with Bartula and received a message from him. When the pair met in person, they stayed up until 4 a.m. talking and did so almost every night that week, Bartek said.
“I’d gone on dates with other people but none of the conversations went as well as with her, and at that moment I knew I wanted to see her again,” Bartula said.
A month later, he asked Bartek to be his girlfriend.
Due to their success on Tinder, both Bartek and Bartula support dating apps. To people who may be hesitant to try them out, Bartek suggests being honest with oneself and others.
“You truly have full control over who you match with and if you even want to meet them,” she said. “If you make your intentions clear, you’re going to meet people with the same intentions that you have.”
Laura Kressler
Not every person involved in online dating expects to find love.
Some users, like sophomore fashion design major Laura Kressler, are simply having fun.
Kressler created a Bumble and Tinder fall semester of her freshman year and has had a few notable experiences since. For example, one man ordered chicken tenders at a Japanese restaurant on their first (and only) date. Another man thought the line, “What’s so great about you?” would win her over.
While she has not had the best luck, Kressler still finds the apps entertaining, especially when she is home and can swipe on people she attended high school with.
“I’m like, ‘that is so embarrassing because I remember when you pooped your pants in second grade,’” Kressler said.
For Kressler, the initial interactions on dating apps are the hardest for two main reasons.
One is the typical first message she receives as a fashion major, “Can you be my personal stylist?” The other is the awkward question, “What do you do for fun?”
To combat the potential for a bland conversation, Kressler recommends users make their profile stand out in an interesting way.
“Put pictures of your dog because that’s a conversation starter,” Kressler said. “I will always swipe right on a picture of a dog.”