“Don’t settle for the bare minimum.” I’m sure this is a saying that most, if not all people have heard of at least once in their life. Personally, I have heard this saying many times throughout my almost 21 years of life. Even though this may not be something that people want to hear, most need to hear it. So, let’s talk about it, shall we?
For those who may not be aware of what “settling for the bare minimum” is, Google defines this as someone who is, “putting in the least amount of effort or investment required to maintain the relationship.” Now, I would like to make this clear right off the bat. Settling for the bare minimum does not only go for romantic relationships, but can go for platonic relationships as well.There have been many times in my life where I have had to cut off past friendships, simply because I wasn’t getting treated the way that I deserved. And that’s okay. Being able to recognize the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships in your life is key.
I can remember being in high school and getting my first ever boyfriend. I won’t lie, this was a big moment for me. In terms of “knowing what I deserved”, I didn’t. I pretty much went into that relationship with an open mind with not too many expectations. After that relationship ended, though, I had more of an idea of what I deserved and expected in terms of a romantic relationship, but it was hard to admit to myself out loud. Nobody talks about how hard it can be to fully come to the conclusion that you deserve the most authentic and everlasting love.
My mom has always been my biggest supporter in life. Since day one my mom has made it known to me that I deserve real love. Not fake love, not lustful love, not greedy love, but true love. There were nights that my mom and I would cry together because I knew the love that I deserved, but I didn’t believe that I found that yet.
Something that has always stuck with me is when my mom would tell me that, “every relationship teaches us something”. I have never let go of this. Even though I have had connections in my life, both romantic and platonic, that may have not been the “healthiest”, I can take away something from each of them. I have learned what I deserve, what I will accept and what I won’t accept. Most importantly, I have learned to love myself that much more. Even though someone else may not give you love, you can give yourself love, which is the best love out there.
In my opinion, examples of the “bare minimum” in a relationship is things such as talking to the other person, hanging out with the other person, someone who respects boundaries, a person who asks how your day has been, someone who gives compliments and so much more. These are the types of things that I expect when I am entering a relationship. I want someone who buys me flowers, holds the door for me, plans surprise dates, has genuine apologies and respects not just me, but my friends and family as well.
I briefly mentioned “cutting people off”, and although this can be a hard thing to do, it can actually be very healthy in the long run. There are many friendships and romantic relationships where I have had to go completely no contact with the other individual. It was a scary thing to do at first, but as time went on I was able to realize who my true friends were and the real people that wanted to be in my life. I was able to create peace for myself and understand what I want out of both a friendship and a romantic relationship. I was able to create boundaries and even recognize and appreciate myself more.
This idea of “not settling for the bare minimum” is definitely something that I am still trying to work on. I am young, and I am still figuring myself out. I know what I deserve, and I know “true love” that I have always hoped for is out there, it is just a matter of time. I have mentioned this so many times in past articles, but I cannot stress it enough. To be able to love someone else, you need to be able to love yourself first. Take yourself on dates, hold your own hand, buy yourself those flowers, do whatever you have to do to show yourself that love. Settle for what you deserve.