Growing up I was always surrounded by alcohol. It was a sure thing that if you went downstairs you would find a case of beer in the refrigerator. Both of my parents drank, along with my grandparents who drank a glass of wine a night, as well as my aunt and uncle. I just assumed drinking all the time was normal because everyone around me was doing it.
Alcoholism has a lot to do with your genetics, so my family on both sides has a long list of members with drinking problems. It’s one of those family secrets that you don’t find out about until you’re older or ease drop on your mom’s phone calls.
My dad is an alcoholic, which it took a lot of time to come to that realization. At first you deny it and say, “oh he’s just a social drinker, it’s not a problem.” It wasn’t until my parent’s divorce that I really saw the extent of my dad’s drinking. He drank daily and still I just equated it to the divorce and stress. But I realized that at that point I was just making excuses for his excessive drinking and needed to accept the truth. Coming to terms with the fact that you will always come after the alcohol was the hardest part for me. Realizing that no matter how much you ask and beg for them to get help they will only do it when they want to, and 90 percent of the time they won’t.
You sit up at night and wonder what will be the thing that will finally make them realize their problem and seek help. Will it be getting their license taken away due to a DUI? Losing family members because they can’t stand by and watch you do this to yourself? The news that your liver is failing? It seems like blow after blow is happening and you’re just like,“this will be the thing to make them get help!” But it never is.
My dad’s been admitted to the hospital four times over the last year or so. The past three times, which has happened within a span of four months, has been due to my dad throwing up excessive amount of blood because his esophagus has been so irritated from the drinking. Getting phone calls from my mom saying, “your dad’s been taken to the hospital” is no longer a shock, I just accept it and move on.
I’ve learned the only way for me to cope with his drinking is to be selfish. I’ve tried everything and nothing works, so I’m putting myself and my mental health above him for once and cutting contact. Sometimes you feel like you’re encouraging their drinking by rushing to their side because it’s as if you’re sending the message of, “you’re still drinking but I’m still going to be here for you and support you.” But for me that hasn’t done any good, so I’ve decided to do what’s best for me.
Addiction is horrible. It doesn’t just affect the addict because everyone around them has to suffer as well. Family members can only do so much for addicts, and they are the only ones who can make a change. It’s not only their struggle, but the people closest to them are struggling right alongside them. My family’s long list of alcoholism has caused me to always be weary of drinking. Every phone call saying my dad’s been admitted makes you never want to pick up a drink again. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve gone through, slowly watching my dad drinking himself to death and knowing you can’t do anything.
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