The very first article I ever wrote for Her Campus was “I’m 18 and Have Never Had My First Kiss.” Now, as a college junior, that day has long come and gone (sorry mom). I’m not one to kiss-and-tell, but I did want to share an update because I’ve learned a few more things along the way that I think everyone should hear, whether you’ve been kissed or not.
- Real talk: your first kiss is terrible.
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I’ll say it for all of us, my first kiss was awful, but isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? If you are one of the magical people who had the first kiss of your dreams, more power to you, but I think the rest of us can agree it was extremely anti-climactic. The first kiss does NOT equal best kiss, so we really need to stop hyping it up.
- My timeline, my business.
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I firmly believe that the idea of “first” is a social construct. As a society, we have normalized a timeline that not everyone fits into, especially when it comes to intimate relationships. Why am I considered a “late bloomer” if I waited until college to kiss someone? Likewise, no one should be considered hasty if they had their first kiss in 8th grade. For the record, there are some “firsts” I DO believe in: first internship, first job, first big move, first promotion, you get the idea.
- Gratitude baby, gratitude.
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I am incredibly grateful for all the experiences I’ve had throughout my life. I’m grateful that I never spent my teenage years worried about relationship drama, but instead had more time to spend with my friends doing things I love. I’m grateful that when I did have my first kiss, I was more mature, more confident and more mentally aware of my feelings. This way when it was inevitably awful, I could laugh instead of worrying when he was going to text me back.
- Patience over settling.
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It may seem trivial, but waiting for your first kiss while everyone around you is ten steps ahead gives you quite a bit of composure. With everything in my life, I try not to fall into the trap of “wanting to get it over with.” Take time, don’t settle for something just because you want to mark it off a checklist. Your gut is leading you toward a higher standard, trust it.
- “Comparison is the thief of Joy.”
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Just as I said that your timeline is yours alone, someone else’s timeline is none of your business either. It’s not healthy to compare yourself to that friend from high school who has already had 5 boyfriends. Trust me, I know it’s hard to do, but playing that game just makes you feel isolated and alone. I think there will always be a part of me that feels left out when people bring up the “what have you done” conversation, but it’s not a race, and it really doesn’t matter.
- Independence takes you far.
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You do not need to rely on anyone else to make you feel worthy. People who make you feel confident and cared for are wonderful additions to your life, but they can not make you feel loved if you don’t believe you deserve it. One of the most amazing things my therapist has ever told me is: “if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?” Sure, kissing someone makes you feel wanted and valued, but there is nothing more fulfilling than looking in the mirror and knowing I can be happy all on my own.
- Energy attracts energy.
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If you have yet to hear about the Law of Attraction, I highly recommend you google it. To put it simply, it follows the idea that the energy you put out into the world is the energy you will receive. My goals in life thus far have not revolved around finding an S.O. or being intimate with someone, and that is perfectly okay. It makes sense that since it was not a priority for me, I didn’t kiss anyone until my energy shifted, and I was ready to receive it. To be completely honest, it’s still not a priority in my life, but I understand now that when it is, I will find exactly what I’m looking for.
As I said before, it may seem trivial that kissing can have such an impact on your life, especially when I’m a college student amidst a global pandemic. However, I don’t think I would be who I am or know what I know if my situation had been different. Whether you’ve never kissed anyone or done it all, what matters is that you’re content with where you’re at.