I’m turning 21 in just a few short days which means I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on my past 20 years. I’ve learned a lot in life, some simpler lessons than others but in the end they’ve all shaped me into the person I am today. An almost 21-year-old who’s really broke and loves Harry Styles, but also someone who’s lived a good life learning new things every day.
1. Forgiveness
This is something that has taken me years to understand and grasp. I’ll be honest, it’s something I’m sure I’ll be trying to master until I die. It’s such an important lesson to learn. Realizing that people in your life will make mistakes and understanding that it’s okay to forgive them. Learning to forgive people for their mistakes and not hold grudges has made me a lighter person. I no longer hold the weight of friends and family’s mistakes. I have learned to forgive and forget in most instances and it’s improved my mental stability tenfold.
2. My flaws make me the person I am
When I was younger I would complain daily to my mom about how much I hate my freckles. I thought they made me look weird, and the models in the magazines never had them. I wanted them gone, but my mom would always say to me “they’re angel kisses”. That was my first step in realizing that the things I don’t like about myself are the things that make me unique and beautiful in my own way. So take time to look in the mirror and appreciate what you don’t like because it’s what makes you, you.
3. Washing my face every day
I’m that person who gets home late and is too tired to take my makeup off, let alone wash my face. I end up sleeping with a full face of makeup on and then wondering why I’m breaking out. Taking 10 minutes to myself every day to build a routine of taking off my makeup has done wonders for me. Take time for yourself; you aren’t being selfish.
4. People will come and go out of your life
The past couple of months I’ve had a lot of people leave my life. In August my aunt passed away. I hadn’t had a death in the family in a while, so dealing with her death was felt like a never ending rollercoaster. Her passing made me realize that in a snap of a finger someone could be in your life and then be out of it. Remembering to appreciate them while they’re here is so important. Value the people you surround yourself with.
5. There are still good people in this world
I feel like you can’t turn on the news anymore without hearing about a school shooting or some political thing that’s ripping families apart. It’s understandable why it’s so hard to focus on the good people in the world, so remember to turn on Ellen and watch her give a deserving teacher a $10,000 check. Walk past someone and give them a compliment and be that good person in the world.
6. Take alone time for yourself
This tends to go hand in hand with washing your face, remembering that it’s okay to close your bedroom door and turn on Netflix and be by yourself. Turn your phone off and be in your own company, it’s okay to tune out the madness going on and just take time to love yourself.
7. You can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself
RuPaul, this one is for you. How can you expect to love another person when you don’t even love and appreciate the most important person in your life: yourself? You tend to drag someone through your own struggles with yourself when you jump into a relationship, and it’s selfish to drag someone into that. I’ve been there and done that. It makes for a self-destructive and toxic relationship.
8. Save your money
When you finally get a job and a savings account, your first thought is to spend it all. You tell yourself you earned that cute sweater at Forever 21! I strongly believe it’s important to treat yourself, but saving money is also essential. I’m learning the hard way as I prepare to move to New York City this summer and I’m scraping money together (so I don’t have to live off 99 cent pizza for three months). So yeah, that sweater is super cute, but so is having the reassurance that you have money in the bank. When you get that paycheck or birthday money put some away in a savings account!
9. Travel while you can, explore the world!
My mom always tells me her biggest regret in life is not traveling before she settled down and had kids. Go out and see what the world has to offer. Being stuck in a state like Ohio can drive someone mad. Go to the beach with friends or the mountains and hike. Have stories to tell your kids and grandkids about the things you’ve seen in the world. You can always find ways to travel cheap too, trips don’t have to cost an arm and a leg.
10. Don’t let someone’s opinion stop you from dressing the way you like
As someone who has always been interested in fashion, I’ve tried to be creative in the things I wear which leads to some people not liking your style. Don’t let someone’s opinion of the way you dress stop you from wearing what you like. In middle school I had purple sparkly Ugg boots I wore, and these boys in my grade called me names for wearing them and because of that I never wore them again. I’m not too sure why I decided those boys’ opinions meant anything to me. After that, I decided I was going to wear whatever I wanted to and not care what anyone said to me or called me.
11. Loving Harry Styles isn’t and never will be a phase, sorry mom!
Raise your hand if you loved One Direction! I started listening to their music in 8th grade and my parents would constantly say, “It’s just a phase you won’t like them in a year.” Yeah well guess what mom and dad? I’m a junior in college, and I still love Harry Styles so I guess it wasn’t a phase! We’re ride or die Harry Styles fans first and humans second!
12. It’s okay to sit in your room and cry, it’s therapeutic
I remember when my boyfriend broke up with me, I would always tell my friends “I don’t cry for any man.” In reality, it’s more than okay to lay in your room listening to Taylor Swift and cry. Crying is therapeutic. Run to Target and grab yourself one of those pints of ice cream that is about 100 calories, lock yourself in your room and cry! Get your emotions out, don’t let them build up inside of you until you burst. It’s not healthy, and 2019 is the year we put our mental health first!
13. Seek help when you need it
Speaking to a therapist or a hotline when you need help is so important. Talking to someone about what’s going on in your life can lift such a weight off your shoulders. I attended counseling when I was in 7th grade to help me sort through issues I was facing, and it helped more than you know. To sit down with someone who has no idea who you are besides what you tell them and has no preconceived notions about you has so many benefits. Seeking help doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re a strong person who wants better for yourself.
14. You don’t need to have your life figured out right now
I’m still learning this one. I’ll find myself freaking out about the fact that I’m almost 21 and not in any form of a stable relationship, which means I’m nowhere near marriage, and I feel like half my graduating class from high school have babies and/or are married. I’m sitting at home with my cats and Criminal Minds. I still stay up too late wondering if I really want go into journalism or do I want a career in fashion. I know that I don’t have to have all the answers right now. I don’t need to have my life mapped out at the age of 20. It’s okay that I’m not getting engaged by 23 and having kids by 25. I’m taking my own route in life and I don’t need to follow everyone else’s. I’m sure I’ll be 75 and still wondering if I should change my career choice. Take a step back and breathe. Everything will be okay.
15. Working out isn’t the most fun but it’s something that needs to be done
I’ll be laying in my bed knowing I haven’t been to the gym in like 2 weeks, and I’m paying Planet Fitness $10 a month for nothing. God it’s so hard to get out of bed. I’m not one of those people that’s like “omg working out is so fun! I love running.” I don’t like to lie. Running is not fun, do people enjoy that pain they get in their side? Do you enjoy tasting blood? I sure don’t. I’m a yoga kind of girl. Specifically, the part where you lay on the mat for like 10 minutes, now that’s my kind of workout. While I’m not a fan of working out, I know I’ll feel better afterwards. So yeah working out isn’t fun but just do it. Nike, sponsor me please.
16. Treat people with kindness
I spent like $65 on a hoodie at a Harry Styles concert that said, “Treat people with kindness”. So it’s going to be my motto for life at that price. But it really doesn’t cost anything to be nice to the people in this world. Go about life with a kind heart, it makes it so much easier. Harry Styles, if you’re reading this please date me.
17. Don’t overthink everything
Overthinking can cause problems. My friends will be texting me in the smallest difference of tone, and I’ve decided they hate me and no longer want to be friends. Why do I think that? Because I overthink most things in life. Stepping back from the situation and reminding yourself to not think so much into it can really change your perspective. Take a breather!
18. Mom is right 90% of the time
I’m not going to say my mom is right 100% of the time, she’ll get a big head if I told her she was right all the time. Trust me, we don’t need that in life. However, I will say my mom is right a lot of the time. So while it’s hard to sit there and listen to her “when I was your age” stories, just know that what she’s about to say is probably right so listen to your mom!
19. Step out of your comfort zone
I’m someone who when I get comfortable in a situation, I don’t like to stray from it. I’ve been at the same job for the past 3 years because it’s familiar and I’m comfortable where I am. While I’m comfortable, that doesn’t always equate to happy. So, I made it my mission to step out of my comfort zone and do things that I wouldn’t usually do, which means apply for a new job and move to a new city this summer.
20. It’s okay to say no
You never want to hurt someone’s feelings by telling them no, but it’s important to know your boundaries and not put yourself in situations you don’t want to be in. So tell people no. Don’t do something you want to do. No it’s a bad word, I promise.