This isn’t your average dating scene… it is much worse. It’s dating in college! A lot of times when students arrive at college, wide-eyed and full of hope, they have already been introduced to the dating scene. Whether that be past relationships or awkward casual hookups in high school, it’s a common preconceived notion that in college, you will explore all things sexual as you navigate through stages of transitioning from a teen to an adult. Let me be the first to say that a lot of times; these notions are correct and can be intimidating; however, here are some lessons that I have learned along the way.
I’ve always been a girl that has never been afraid of her sexuality. My suitable partners for the dance of love are predominantly men, and I came into college with an intermediate level of experience. My high school sweetheart and I made it through my senior year of high school until my 4th year of college. This meant that while people were going to parties, getting to experiment, sexually networking, I was in a committed relationship. Flash forward to this year, where I am a 5th year senior and currently single. While dealing with my heartbreak, I’ve decided to get out and finally have the college dating experience that I have been longing for, and this is what I found!
- Be Yourself
-
The most important lesson to learn is that you should always be yourself. I met Derek in the science lab, and right away, I was attracted to how smart he seemed to be. The fact that he knew his way around a fractioning distillation column lowkey made my panties wet. I wanted him desperately and found my self always conscious of what he thought of me. If he liked jokes, if he likes it when I wear makeup, if I was presenting myself a certain way, if I should mention this, or should I not. It was exhausting. I would try to match his energy, but I was fighting to suppress my goofiness for a guy that never even texted me. I realized that if I couldn’t be myself around him, then he wasn’t getting the real me. Being yourself comes with being honest. One day I decided to drop the facade, and his exact words were, ” I didn’t know you were this fun.” From then on, our conversations got better! We became more comfortable with each other and overall had more fun together!
- Stay Safe
-
I met Chris on campus at an eatery. I was in line, and he complimented my shoes. When I turned around, I saw these sweat pants that just fit in all the right areas and a jawline that was chiseled by the gods themselves!!! Feeling an immediate attraction, we took each other’s numbers and texted for the next month. Eventually, he asked if he could come over at 1 am, and I have never shaved my legs faster! When he arrived, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to ask him some very needed questions.
As a woman, I am a firm believer in being in charge of your body. You can honestly never be too safe when it comes to the health of it. A couple of questions asked include: Are you currently sexually active with anyone other than me? Are you aware of any diseases/infections that you are carrying? And lastly, when is the last time you tested at the doctor’s, and what were your results? Just be prepared to give the corresponding answers back to them. These questions may seem unorthodox at the moment; however, it allows your partner to disclose information they may not have felt they should have said before. Another way to secure the deal, even more, is to carry your form of contraception, specifically condoms. It is great that they brought their own, but think about it this way, would you trust someone else with your health above you? These questions and precautions are not meant to upset your partner but are just an extra precaution you can take. Chris ultimately laughed the whole time but answered each of my questions and didn’t mind using the protection I was most comfortable with.
- Don’t Be Afraid To Dominate
-
Along with being honest with yourself, also be honest with what you want! I met Julien at a club, and we went to high school together but never said a word to each other. After months of talking, I decided to try him out. I wanted to try some new stuff I’ve never done before. I ordered lingerie from Savage x Fenty and opened the door with my booty cheeks hanging out. His response was so sexy, and just like that, the mood was set! At first, he started to get excited and used too much tongue, and I just asked him if I could lead or if we could slow it down. He agreed to let me lead, and I made some minor adjustments. I told him to hold me tighter in some places and different ways to move his tongue. He caught on pretty quick, and the rest was smooth sailing. When done, he confided that he usually is the one that leads, but it was nice to let someone else “drive the boat.”
So don’t be afraid to try new things, new techniques, new toys, or new experiences. Just make sure your partner is okay with it. If you’re okay with letting them lead, it’s still okay to let them know what would make it more enjoyable for you (ex: faster or slower, biting, blindfolding, talking) or if it’s not working for you at all.
- Maybe Your Not Everyone’s Cup of Tea, and That’s Okay!
-
It’s bound to happen at some point but never fear because what I learned is that not everyone is going to be for you or you for them. I met Mitchell in class, and just like Derek, the knowledge he had about the course attracted me to him even more. After small talking for a while and flirting, I asked him if we could get some coffee. Unfortunately, after planning something, the response the given was “Can we take a rain check,” but when we saw each other in class, it was as if everything was fine. I figured he had a girlfriend or wasn’t interested. Although I never found out, I eventually stopped asking to hang out and accepted the fact that if he was interested, he would show me. While the rejection slick hurt, as I have never been rejected by someone I was so into, I had to put my big girl panties on and keep it moving. I haven’t talked to him since but no hard feelings. If it was meant to be, it would be.
- Go With the Flow
-
If you’re like me, after my almost 5-year relationship with my ex, I found myself wanting to get out there into the dating scene but also wanting to be true to my feelings, aka going at my own pace. I have concluded that not everyone is looking for “The Notebook” kind of love. It can be awkward at first, but remember the end goal isn’t to get married, but instead, the first goal is to get to know the person. A lot of the sexual experience I have gained since my breakup has been built around the notion of “go with the flow.” Julian likes to go on dates, while Derek likes a more private setting. Besides my feelings, I have to consider my partner’s feelings. The best way to ensure that no one is rushed or put in awkward positions is to go with the flow! You can plan activities all day long, but when it comes to genuinely forming relationships, its best if it’s not rushed.
Throughout a couple of months, I re-entered the dating scene and found out what I like as an adult and what I don’t like. I realized I do not like guys that are pushy and that you’re going to run into different people that like different things. I realized I like it rough in bed and dislike sloppy kissers. If you are going to be sexually active in college, always get tested and be safe. I hope these tips can help you navigate your way through the harsh waters of dating in college.