Every time National Coming Out Day or Pride Month comes around, an ugly form of discourse rears its unwelcome head. Ace exclusionists, or acephobes, actively argue for the exclusion of asexual and aromantic people from LGBTQ+ communities despite the fact that, in a society where queer people still often struggle to find acceptance, breaking the group into factions isnât conducive to anything good.
For those unfamiliar with the terms, asexual people donât experience sexual attraction to anyone and aromantic people donât experience romantic attraction to anyone. Their place in the LGBTQ+ community is entrenched in their very definitions â you canât be sexually attracted to someone of the opposite gender if youâre not sexually attracted to anyone, so theyâre definitely not straight.
Asexual and aromantic people experience many of the worst parts of homophobia, from corrective rape to childhood bullying to ostracism from mainstream society. The world we live in is incredibly sexualised, something youâre probably familiar with, and media is constantly telling people that they should desire sex without ever presenting another option beyond people who never end up in couples because theyâre stereotyped as the âugly oneâ. Itâs not much of an option to be presented with â have sex or be unlovable. Asexual people constantly hear âyou just havenât met the right personâ, âyou had a bad experienceâ, or âwhat, so youâre a plant?â. Much like with gay people, people who are external to the community try to impose their own views or their own opinions onto ace people who just want to exist.
No identity on the asexual spectrum is a choice, just like no other queer identity is a choice. Asexuality is not something that needs to be fixed. Since straight people canât understand and respect these basic fundamentals to someoneâs identity, asexual and aromantic people have a right to their place in the LGBTQ+ community as much as any other letter. Luckily most major organisations that recognise multiple identity beyond just gay and lesbian (think bisexuality, pansexuality, etc.) also recognise asexuality; thereâs an asexual flag outside of the Stonewall Inn in a beautiful display of solidarity and unity; but there are also people out there who fervently oppose a place for asexuality in the LGBTQ+ community. If thereâs one thing thatâs been learned throughout the history of the LGBTQ+ movement itâs that weâre stronger together and that excluding people from safe spaces and Pride events isnât what this community is about. But with any luck, weâre moving in the right direction when it comes to stamping out acephobia within the community.