Have you ever thought about how as you grew mentally, your opinions changed over the years? Well, for some it didn’t.
I mean, of course, it did but very differently from you.
Change may be the only constant but the pace, style, and phases of stagnation are subjective to every individual. And sometimes, when that growth of someone close to us doesn’t take place in the same direction as ours, we find ourselves in a rupture of relations with the other person.
You know, I am talking about the friends with whom you couldn’t stop laughing when you were 15 but don’t talk to anymore because they see life so differently that you cannot relate.
Or you know, when you grow up to be “your kind” of feminist and finally see the dysfunction in your family, the kind of feminists your parents aren’t?
Or you know, when you love a family that may not be cool with your sexual orientation or your lack of belief in God?
You know, when your best friend who has seen you talk about animals every day, turns into a vegan but throws a shitty chicken burger in the dustbin just because it didn’t taste well?
Basically, are different political opinions affecting your relationsHIPS too?
In an era where there is a population for every belief, you are just one Reddit away from finding millions of people validating how you feel. Thus, having strong opinions is pretty common and having opinions that absolutely don’t match with people around you is how every millennial lives these days.
In such scenarios, where that clash of opinions happens with someone we already have bonded has the potential to rupture the relationship with them. Be it, family, friends, or a partner, coming across someone with the 100% same views, ideals and opinions just don’t exist. So, how do we make sure to not let our relationships be affected and in some cases even jeopardised by these differences?
In a series of conversations and opinionated research, I have found that:
- People have changed, and will change- sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse:
Perhaps they are taking a longer time to understand your perspective and vice versa, but as long as you both are still trying to understand, open to listening- it will eventually work out in the end. People cannot be blamed to take time and there’s a huge chance that your own opinion will change by the time the other person understands.
Thus even if it isn’t possible to let go of the resentment and baggage of older unacceptable actions, it is definitely worth thinking over.
- Realising the difference between core beliefs and opinions: Shaking a belief that someone has had for their entire lives and is a huge part of who they are, is not at all easy. There can be different indirect ways to approach it but directly dismissing one’s beliefs will surely be distressing for both parties. The definition of a core belief is ‘a belief that is unshakeable’ so, perhaps it is a lost cause and your trying won’t make a difference. Therefore it now really depends on you if you’re okay with accepting that difference in belief or if it is time to end the relationship.
For example, a person might think: ‘Yeah alright, I mean it’s alright if you voted for the other party but how can you believe against abortion I mean? I don’t want to engage with anyone thinking that.’
Having different opinions is natural, but if the difference is distressing or affecting your daily routine; maintaining a distance would be a better option. #TeamAlwaysChooseYourMentalHealth >>>
- It’s easier to understand and empathize with someone you relate to even for their choices that we wouldn’t make. For example, as a woman, I understand both – women who are liberated with their modesty and women who are liberated with their bodies. I may not belong to either category but I understand both and I have been in both at some point in my life. And, so, I understand their decision even if I wouldn’t make the same one.
So, as long as there is room for conversation, we should let our or others’ opinion change every day if it leads to growth, learning, and most importantly, healing in our relationship with them.