Spoken Word Remedies for F*ckboys

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! For couples anyway. For us singles, Christmas can seem like an inescapable reminder of how in love everyone else seems to be, especially if your cuffing season partner now seems more Scrooge than Love Actually. So, whilst drowning your sorrows with mulled wine while angrily scrolling past endless couples’ pictures at Winter Wonderland might seem like the best coping mechanism right now, let me offer you some less alcoholic alternatives to remind you why you don’t need mistletoe or anyone under it this season.


Brianna Taylor’s “Evolution of a F*ckboy” hilariously reminds us how easy it is to have a temporary – or long term (no judgement…) – lapse in sanity when it comes to love. It’s easy to tell from the audience’s reaction that far too many women have had the misfortune of meeting this ‘evolved fuckboy’ in question. If you have too this yuletide, this poem is here to remind you that we all make six-foot-tall, ripped jean wearing mistakes and that’s okay. After all, now you’ve realised that mistake’s true fuckboy status you can cast him off quicker than your New Years’ resolutions.


On the other hand, this moving and heartfelt poem by Edwin Bodney delves into both the heartbreak and anger surrounding an imbalanced love affair. If your feelings are still a bit raw, this will speak to you.


If all you want for Christmas is a simple text back, this one’s for you. As well as making you realise that bugs – yes, bugs -have an emotional capacity higher than your ex, this poem offers a thought-provoking critique on love in the digital age. After all, ‘what is love if you can’t manually adjust its screen brightness?’.


Aman Batra reclaims the crazy girlfriend stereotype here with this poem, where she tells us that it’s okay to be emotional – there is power in that. As she says ‘it’s become way too easy to label a powerful woman as crazy, too demanding, difficult to please’.


This subject of this poem is best described by the poet herself: "The modern day ladies' man has gotten out of control. These players are playing the game too hard: juggling too many women, lying about it and leaving us confused and heartbroken. This poem is for the ladies, defending our place in order to put the Fuckboys in theirs."


So, I hope these poems help you to combat your Christmas blues or simply inspire you to live your most empowered single life f*ckboy free.