Those of us who are belong in the LGBTQ+ community are very familiar with closets. Like really familiar. Like we were all best friends with the closet at one point, some of us still are. When it comes to coming out, it’s a process and it can take a really long time until you feel like you are as out as you can be. Of course that means navigating who you’re out to who your not, where you’re out and where you can’t.
Often times that boundary is shoved in your face as soon as we leave the freedom of uni to face the warmth of home. And once again we are faced with the closet, the place where we hang up our gay apparel, if you will. It’s a sad feeling feeling this part of our lives and identity shoved back into a place that we all hoped we would never find ourselves in. It hurts.
There’s no escaping that pain of hiding, but for many of us, it has been and will be a reality for a while. Home is bittersweet like that. You can love home, but it doesn’t make being closeted any easier. Coming out is a process and it is up to you to direct it in whatever way is best for you. BUT despite going back into the closet while being with family, there is still a lot you can fo to feel connected to your identity and make the whole experience easier on yourself.
1) Enjoy Gay things when you can. You want to watch that new episode of Black Lighting? Read The Miseducation of Cameron Post? Maybe throw some Juliet Takes a Breath? Stop by Everyoneisgay.com. Take these little moments and enjoy them whenever you can. It can be really nice to see or read about other queer people living their lives or even going through what you are. It’s a small victory.
2) Awesome Playlists. Here is another place where looking for queer and trans artists can feel like another moment of inclusion and community. Also a good playlist can help any mood. Whether it’s full of pop gay icons, or your favorite sad songs, this can really work wonders.
3) Friends. Honestly just because you can’t be out at home doesn’t mean that you can’t be out elsewhere with other people. They can be an irreplaceable source of support even if you aren’t out to them.
4) Leave you home and be away from family. Go visit a coffee shop, buy yourself an ice cream, go to the library. Just have a minute to recenter yourself. Not being out can take a lot of mental energy and can drain you emotionally. Take time away and breath on your own.
5)Use the internet. Connect with other queer people, your friends from uni, and build a safe space here. Having a space to vent and talk to other people can be really amazing especially when you’re being asked the same “who are you dating”, “why don’t you wear something more suitable” type of questions.
Overall the theme here is being patient and kind to yourself. So watch you favorite holiday movie (mine is Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas) like 12 times, listen to your favorite song, and have as many cups of tea as you need to feel better. Hold onto your favorite holiday traditions and moments. Eventually you’ll come back to school and you’ll be able to leave that closet. There is nothing wrong with going home and being closeted. This is your process. If this does affect your mental health reach out to someone, use apps and hotlines to talk to when things get rough.