The Five Embarrassing and Unavoidable Phases of Procrastination

It’s 1:00am and the blinking cursor is taunting you and your pathetic third day hair. You’re fighting the urge to scream, wondering why you didn’t pick up your stupid laptop earlier in the afternoon instead of refreshing your Twitter feed for the 10th time in a row. It’s too late to sulk though, this essay is due in the next 7 hours. 

 

If you’ve found yourself in the same or similar scenario, congratulations, you’re just one of the thousands of lazy, disheveled college students who can’t seem to avoid procrastination. Nearly everyone is guilty of pushing responsibilities off until the last possible second, and it’s okay. Instead of denying the fact and feeling shameful, maybe we should confront the issue and comfort each other. Here are the five inevitable phases of procrastination. So, keep on reading, you’re probably trying to distract yourself from an essay right now anyway. 

 

1. Denying the existence of any responsibilities. 

 

 

2. Confronting the assignments, then making a plan, that you will likely not follow, to complete them later. 

 

 

3. Rummaging for food instead of sources. 

 

4. Calculate how low your grade would drop if you decide to take a zero, then cry because you know you can’t afford the L. 

 

 

5. Realize it’s already midnight, wipe your tears, then finally open your laptop. It took a while, but at least you’re getting shit done.