Love is all around us: in the people we meet, the places we go, and the moments we share. But when we talk about love, we often think of romance first. For me, love is in my female friendships.
Friendship has always been central to my life. Even when I felt like I had nothing, I would do some searching and realize that behind it all, I had my girls.
I live by the saying that it’s important to put yourself first, because at the end of the day, even if you have nobody, you have yourself. However, I also think that strong friendships add another layer of fulfillment. Not everyone is lucky enough to have people in their lives worth putting first, but when you do, it’s something to cherish.
I am one of these people! It took me a lot of time and soul-searching to find the strong female friendships that I have right now; people I know are truly in my corner. But now that I have them I know that at the end of the day, yes, I have myself… and I also have them.
In the confusing world of girls, it can be difficult to find people who are truly for you. However, I know from experience that this comes with time.
Every single girl in the world deserves to have the unconditional love that comes with female friendship. There is nothing better than getting ready together, talking about the same situation until you’re over it, laughing together until you can’t breathe, or creating an endless chain of inside jokes.
I know that strong friendships should never take a backseat to romance. Too often, I’ve seen people let go of their friends when a significant other comes along. There are plenty of reasons people drift from their friends when they get into relationships, but one of them is simply not having strong friendships to begin with.
As I mentioned before, it took me a long time to find the love I am fulfilled by now. Middle school was the most turbulent time for me when it came to friendship. It was difficult for me to make close friends. I fell into this cycle of toxic friendships: people who did not put me first or care as much as I did to them. Because this was all I knew for a long time, I accepted these friendships as they were.
It seemed like I had a new toxic friendship every year, and eventually, I realized I was stuck in a pattern I needed to break. Every friendship seemed to run its course the same: I’d meet a girl, we’d get close, I’d get attached, she’d pull away and eventually leave.
I didn’t think I was worthy of having a best friend. I always felt inferior and replaceable, that is, until I met my current best friend.
I almost fell into the same cycle with her. We met during our junior year of high school in English class and got close within a week through that and the swim team. Outsiders were shocked when we got close so quickly, and so was I.
My friendship trauma came to the surface after a month. I was terrified of losing her since I hadn’t ever had a concrete close friendship. As a result, I made every attempt I could to cling to her. To my surprise, when this happened, she didn’t leave.
Instead of leaving, my best friend stayed. She stayed, teaching me lessons about friendship and myself. I owe most of what I am to her.
She taught me about the love in friendships that I deserve, so now I can easily identify when something is truly for me. She taught me how to handle things in a more emotionally controlled way.
Now, we’ve been friends for over two years. That might not seem like a long time, but given my past, it feels like a lifetime of love and trust.
Today, I can confidently say that every female friendship in my life adds value. I know how I want to be treated in friendships, and how to treat others. I know that the most important people in my life are the ones who make me feel good, and I try to give others what I want them to give me.
A lot of people have not found close bonds like the ones I have right now, but I want you to trust me when I say that sometimes, belonging is a journey.
Relationships, whether they are familial, romantic, or platonic, are the most fulfilling parts of life. They assist in keeping us level-headed, grounded, and happy. When you focus on yourself and channel the best parts of yourself you will create the best version of yourself: someone who is authentic in everything that you do. That is how I found the girls that I have in my life now.
So this Valentine’s Day, don’t be sad because you don’t have a significant other; remember that there are other types of love to celebrate. For me, I’ll be celebrating with the loves of my life: my best friends. Because at the end of the day, love isn’t just about who you’re dating, it’s about who shows up for you, who makes you laugh until you can’t breathe, and who stays.