I’ve never enjoyed reading Valentine’s Day articles from pseudo-empowered women who write that they would rather be spending February 14th alone than with a partner. Those women who recommend that you take a nice, warm bath with rose petals and treat yourself to a glass of your favorite wine. Those women who tell you that your company is the best company. Those women who sweetly advise you to be your own best friend and proclaim that all men suck. Those women who wear Britney Spears-inspired “DUMP HIM!” t-shirts while texting their adoring boyfriend. Those women who act as if you should be ashamed for feeling a twinge of sadness as you scroll your social media feed and are reminded of the people who have something that you want so badly, yet don’t. But what these women fail to acknowledge is that it is okay to feel lonely. It is okay to yearn for a partner. It is also okay to love your independence most of the time, and resent it other times.
Interestingly enough, I’ve never seen Valentine’s Day as the holiday to just get through. I think there’s always been a sense of bitterness that surrounds the infamously-consumerist holiday. It seems like even those who have found their complement still roll their eyes at the bubble gum pink and firetruck red displays that haunt the entryway of every store. Tables are filled to the brim with bouquets (that are 80% baby’s breath and 20% quality flower), candy hearts (though I’ve never met anyone who likes them), and generic cards (about how you’re “meant to bee” with a picture of a cartoon bee or something.)
It’s slightly ironic that I’m a writer who struggles with telling people how I feel. My entire profession is to write about my feelings — something I do with ease — but the moment my words about someone are read by them, it feels intensely vulnerable, as if I’m standing naked in front of them. Still, I’ve always written notes on the back covers of books I’ve gifted. I use any holiday as an opportunity to express how I feel in case it seems fuzzy partly due to my perpetual curse of acting like I don’t care, despite the truth being the contrary. I’ve always said my love language is words of affirmation, not because it’s how I best express myself, but because I’m always the writer, and for once, I’d like to be the reader. I’d like to read the thoughts someone has left unsaid. I’d like to read about how I make someone’s day — and life — better. Many writers live with the hope that one day their gift will be returned.
So whether you’re surrounded by your other half this Valentine’s Day, in your own company, or spending time with your close friends, use this holiday to tell people that you love and care about them. Use this day to express your gift, even if it’s not yet being returned, knowing one day it will be.
Spend this day celebrating love in a way that makes the most sense to you.