If you’re anything like me, then you’ve probs spent all of your years spending hours getting ready each day — especially if you’re going on a date. The preparation takes hours upon hours. One hour for an everything shower, twenty minutes for skin and body care, an hour and a half for makeup, two hours for hair, and thirty minutes to pick an outfit. At that rate, going out for dinner with a boy takes over five hours of preparation (on a good day.)Â
Typically for first dates, I’d have perfectly curled hair, a strategically styled outfit (revealing, but not too slutty), and a full face of makeup that took an extensive amount of time to perfect.Â
Moisturizer, then primer, then skin tint, then blush, then bronzer, then powder, then highlighter on my nose, inner eye corners, and the bridge of my lips, then more bronzer, then setting spray, then eyeliner, then mascara, then lip tint, lip liner, and finally, lip gloss. And if I was feeling extra special that day, I’d put glittery eyeshadow on my eyelids. I avoided concealer to feel like I was wearing a “minimal amount” of makeup — but one hug too close, and my date would have a shirt full of bronzer.Â
However, as I’ve spent the past year on a man detox, I’ve started to care considerably less about my appearance. I recently found myself in a talking stage when he asked to FaceTime after a mere hour of texting. Instantly, I got flashbacks to my junior year of high school when I’d do a full face of makeup just to video call a boy, but at 12:21AM, I found myself just…not caring. I mean, he was a random man, and I had my eyebrows filled in, hair brushed, and cluster lashes already applied — what else does a girl need? I truly had nothing to lose.
And as I picked up the FaceTime call, lying (…mostly) barefaced in bed on my pink silk pillowcase in my mismatched pajamas, I made sure my lamp was on the lowest level so he wouldn’t fully be able to see my bare, naked face. At some point, he asked why my room was so dark. “I’m not really wearing any makeup, so my light is dim,” I said. But this comment of his pushed me to turn my lamp brighter — exposing my natural face.Â
After a while, he told me he’d call me right back — someone was knocking on his door. After he hung up and the minutes passed by, I knew deep down that I wasn’t getting a call back, feeling stupid for not applying at least a little bit more makeup. But suddenly, my phone started buzzing — he was calling me back.Â
We FaceTimed for hours that night, and continued texting and FaceTiming throughout the weeks. And when it came time for our first date, I found myself questioning how I should do my makeup. I opened my makeup bag thirty minutes before I had to leave, and I looked in the mirror. I’d planned on curling my hair the night before but wasn’t able to find my curling iron, almost as if it was a sign from the universe to embrace my natural beauty.Â
And as I found myself staring in the mirror, I realized how things would go if I wore a full face of makeup like I usually do on dates. Realistically, I would probably spend our next several dates wearing a full face of makeup and over the weeks, I’d slowly start wearing less and less makeup over time until he saw my natural face. And honestly, it just didn’t feel worth it.Â
I decided to fill in my eyebrows and put some mascara on my lower lashes, paired with white eyeliner on my waterline, then added a touch of highlighter for some sparkle before heading out. I felt exposed in a way — meeting somebody for the first time with little makeup on. But when he mentioned a second date right after our first had ended, it felt so freeing.
And that’s when it hit me — the pressure I’ve been putting on myself over the years to show up as the “most perfect” version of me wasn’t actually about me at all. It was about what I thought I had to be in order to be liked. And honestly? It kinda changed my entire perspective on first dates. It made me realize how much energy we pour into performing on first dates, instead of just being ourselves.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t pull out the glitter and the three-hour hair routine if that’s your therapy — I’m just saying that you shouldn’t feel like you’re obligated to do that for a first date with someone you’ve known for a week. Minimal makeup deserves its moment, too. Sure, there’s absolutely no shame in the full-glam game — some days, the glittery highlighter and eyeliner just hits right and you want to be that girl — but it should always be a choice for first dates, not a requirement. There’s just something powerful about keeping it simple and letting your natural features do their thing.
At the end of the day, we’ve spent enough years treating first dates like high-stake interviews. It’s okay to not want to put in the effort of spending hours getting ready to meet someone for the first time. To me, there’s just something that feels irresistible about a bare face — not because it’s effortless, but because it exudes confidence.
To wear makeup, to not wear makeup.
Before your next first date, think about what you really want to do in regards to getting ready and makeup. If you’re excited about the idea of spending your afternoon getting ready (because, TBH, it is really fun someimes), then show up in your gorgeous full-glammed self. But if you’re wanting to finally embrace your minimal (or no) makeup self, go right ahead, bestie. Because after all, it’s hot to wear minimal makeup on a first date.