As a freshmen, your suite mates and roommates either become your best friends or you don’t talk to them after the year is over. However my roommate was my already best friend, of four years.
We both weren’t feeling the college experience, we wanted to drop out but didn’t want to go back home. Before coming to college a lot of people told us that rooming with your best friend is a bad idea and we got a lot of sarcastic good luck’s.
I had the time of my life living with my best friend. We rarely fought and if we did we always communicated after a little time had passed. Because we both didn’t like it, we bonded even more. Usually we ate together, went out together, walked around together and visited home together a lot. Most of the time we had our suite mates with us or other friends but we always had each other.
After surviving the first few months we thought we could pull through and it would get better next year. Long story short I signed my lease with our friends we wanted to live with and she just did not like it, so she dropped out at the end of the semester.
She is still my best friend and we visit each other as much as we can but now I was left without my go to. I had gotten so used to always being with my best friend, I hadn’t ventured out and tried to become close with anyone else. And when I came back from winter break, everyone I knew had their own schedules and new friends.
I wasn’t completely alone. I hung out with my suite mates and other friends when we all had time and my boyfriend would come up a lot of weekends to hang out.
Sometimes though, I would catch myself alone, more often than not. Usually I was in my dorm or getting food in between classes and usually I would love all the time to myself but it became too much. My mental health, which was already back on the decline and in no time to stop, sunk even more.
I felt like I had no one and I really hated my situation.
But I pushed myself every day to break the depression barrier I had created for myself.
I started reaching out instead of waiting for people to ask me. Instead of procrastinating I filled my time with homework I kept pushing off. I found crafts to do online and I picked up old hobbies I gave up on. I also made it a habit to appreciate my time alone now.
I read somewhere that everything I have now, I once asked for. I remember when I was excited to be on my own and have entire days to myself that I was now taking for granted.
I made an effort in my day instead of letting my depression consume me. For a long time it had and on certain days it still does but I’m still learning to cope and live with it everyday. I realized that happiness is a mindset and it isn’t permanent. I will always have bad days but they make my good days even better.