self-love

My Interview with Greg Behrendt

Amidst going corona-crazy, I was able to boost my productivity and finish something worthwhile — a novel. This isn’t just any novel folks; it’s one about dating. It’s titled, It’s Just A F***ing Date and it is fabulous. This book gives tips for what the authors call “Ultra-Successful Winner Dating,” which ultimately teaches the reader that dating should be fun. You should have standards for how you date, but you can take some of the pressure off by realizing there’s no obligation to go on a second date. It’s all about having fun and learning what you like and don’t like; it shouldn’t feel like a chore.

Some may refer to a book of this subject matter as falling within the genre of self-help, while people in denial like me, call it research. Sure, it was research about dating on the surface, but the driving force for me here was to learn more about myself. The greatest underlying part of this book for me was when I learned about the power of confidence and self-worth. Love yourself first. After reading this book, I felt armed with the necessary tools to eventually become a better and more purposeful me. 

It's Just A F****ing Date was written by the husband-wife duo and New York Times best-selling authors, Amiira Ruotola and Greg Behrendt. The couple co-authored two other books, including It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken and How To Keep Your Marriage From Sucking, in addition to collaborating on the Maybe It’s You podcast. In addition to working alongside his wife, Greg has contributed his genius to a number of noteworthy projects, including working behind the scenes on Sex and the City and co-authoring He’s Just Not That Into You.

After completing this book journey, I felt empty. For months, it had become something I looked forward to indulging in on a daily basis, paired with string lighting, Voluspa candles, and a warm bath in the evenings. Yes, months. Call me a slow reader, but I cherished each and every chapter. I highlighted, I underlined, and I did the whole nine yards. Anyways, the point is, I’d been living in the comfort of this book for so long, I wasn’t ready for the lesson to end then and there. I thought to myself, what’s the harm in asking for more? So, that’s exactly what I did.

Luckily, the great Greg Behrendt was already following me back on Instagram, so I knew I had a chance in the DMs. I follow his wife, Amiira, as well, so I decided to create a group chat with them both. I started off my message by thanking them, then quickly proceeded into full-on superfan with paragraphs on how their work changed my life. You know what I’m talking about too. Over Instagram especially, everything in the messaging space is narrow AF, so basically my love letter to them appeared much longer than it actually was. I finished it up with a request to interview them. I was down for Zoom, email, in-person (at a later date), anything. I knew that the chances of response were slim, but if I could get in contact with a director to promote a film featuring Noah Centineo, anything is possible. 

Greg was kind enough to respond that very same day. He was happy to take my questions and proceeded by giving me his email address. Score! I was in. Now I had the daunting task of creating interview questions for the all-powerful, Greg Behrendt. If you’re wondering why I refer to him like a king, well then maybe you should just read the damn book. Eventually, I finished up my questions and sent them off to Greg. Within a week, I received his responses.

I eagerly present to you, My Interview with Greg Behrendt.

Career Q&A:

Q: How did you get your first book published? 

A: My co-author Liz Tuccillo pitched an agent in New York our idea and the agent pitched it to publishers. One of them liked it!

Q: What is your writing process like? 

A: Amiira and I talk it out, create an outline together, and then write separate parts of the book. Divide and conquer. 

Q: Which of your books is your favorite?

A: It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken 

Q: What advice do you have for young people looking to write a book someday?

A: Write as often as you can. Become an expert at the craft of writing. 

Q: Describe your time working on Sex and the City. Did you interact with the actors? Candace Bushnell? Did you live in NYC during this time? 

A: The show was written in LA where I live. I never met Candace but I did get to know the actors on the show. They were all genuinely cool. Especially Sarah. 

**Okay, pause. Greg knows Sarah Jessica Parker, how cool is that?** 

Dating Q&A:

Q: Who should be reading It’s Just A F****ing Date? Who would most benefit? 

A: Anybody who is dating or re-entertaining the dating world. 

Q: How many great loves do you think a person has in life, on average?

A: That’s really hard to say. I think it’s possible to have more than one though. 

Q: What’s your take on millennial and Gen Z dating? When did everything get so casual?

A: Things have been getting more and more casual over time. We like traditional dating because we think it allows for more time and less risk. However, we respect whatever it is you ultimately do. It’s all about having a set of standards. 

Q: As you and Amiira discuss in the book, there are women you call at 4 a.m. and women you want to date. What behavior puts a woman in the dating category?

A: It’s always going to be about how seriously a person takes themselves. If you are a serious person, people will treat you that way. If they don’t they’re not for you. 

Q: So many plans are made over text nowadays. Can women still realistically expect men to call after a date, or is this a thing of the past? 

A: You can set your own rules. If you want a call say that. If the person is unwilling we’ll then you have your answer. 

Q: How do you feel about men who communicate with women solely via Snapchat?

A: I don’t know enough about Snapchat other than to say if this is the only way a guy is willing to communicate I think you have your answer. 

Q: What does it say about a man who “ghosts” women, or the woman herself? 

A: It says he’s not a great catch with some kind of intimacy problem and should be avoided. It says nothing about the woman. The same goes for a woman who ghosts.  

Q: What advice can you offer women who waste their time on men that talk a big game, but can never commit? Why do some men do this? 

A: We always say. He’s just not that into you. Is this how you saw your life working out? You can never really say why a guy does it other than he’s a guy uninterested in committing. 

Q: How can women express their interest in a man without sounding too needy?

A: You can express your love to someone. The trick is not needing anything in return. That’s what unconditional love is. Hopefully, the person is feeling the same way but you can’t demand that of people just because you feel that way. 

Q: What other projects are you currently working on? 

A: Working on a new book right now called Don’t Take Bullshit From Fuckers. I’m always doing standup and I’m life and relationship coaching. You can find me at GregoryBehrendt.com or @itsgreggers on Instagram.