Going to college can be a difficult transition for anyone. Moving away from home, not being around your family, friends, and having to adjust to a new environment all at once can be a bit overwhelming. I, like many other students on campus, had to add another extremely difficult adjustment to the list: leaving my boyfriend.
“Break up, you’re going to college” or “Don’t go into college with a relationship” were the two things I had heard all summer. It’s not like I wanted to ignore the advice from family and friends, but I just had to. My heart told me it was the wrong thing to do. Every time the thought of leaving the boy I had grown so emotionally attached to before college crossed my mind, my heart dropped and I would sink into a pouty depression.
Now almost two months into college, my boyfriend and I are still together, and I don’t regret my decision to stay. Maybe it’s the not so bad two-hour drive to my hometown, or the fact that he will be joining me next year, but so far the relationship has been manageable. Indeed, there are challenges: conflicting class schedules, different plans at different hours, and the last minute nuisances that neither of us plan for. Despite the hassle at times and the days where we go with little communication, I appreciate our relationship more. For those of you who are in situations where the distance is farther, or your time apart is longer, perhaps my strategies could help you as well.
1) Communication is Key – A very cliché rule, but let me tell you, it helps. Whether it’s by Skype, text, phone calls, emails, or even the occasional hand written letter, keeping in contact is an important part of keeping a relationship strong. For some couples, the same communication can get boring, so mix things up. Sometimes I’ll spontaneously Skype my boyfriend for a few minutes. Other times, I write him a letter or a card, a sweet surprise, and something that is appreciated. Phone calls on my way back from class, or in between his classes mix up the medium as well. On those days where communication just becomes a hassle, make the few moments you have to speak matter. Let your partner know how much you appreciate him, or let him know you’re thinking about him. Letting them know you’re thinking of him on those crazy days makes a huge difference.
2) Trust – One of the most seemingly difficult things in a long distance relationship. Personally, I trust my boyfriend with all my heart, and I know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me or our relationship, and he feels the same way. For some couples, it’s not that simple. In order to trust someone, you need to have confidence in your relationship, and have a peace of mind. To reach this peace of mind, you have to trust each other.
3) Thoughtfulness…in moderation – Tying back in with communication, doing sweet things such as spontaneous phone calls or letters definitely keep a relationship exciting and sweet. You can do other acts of kindness as well. On my first day of classes, I received a dozen yellow roses from my boyfriend with a card “Good luck on your first day! Can’t wait to see you!” Let’s just say he got major brownie points. Send your partner a song that reminds you of them. Send a card just because.
4) Making the Most of Your Time – I fortunately have the option of going home as frequently as I want with the 104 miles separating me from my hometown. Although, this is challenging when I don’t have a car and my boyfriend has a busy college schedule of his own. The first time I saw him was about two weeks after move in day. That weekend we had limited time, maybe three hours at most, then it was another three weeks without seeing him. Then it became three weeks without seeing each other. Surely, it is not as difficult as some relationships, where couples don’t see each other until Thanksgiving, but the same rules apply. No matter what time you get to spend with the person, appreciate each second. If things don’t go as planned, don’t sweat it. It’s all about being with the person you love.
Ladies, being in a relationship in college is possible. When you care about someone so much, why not see how it works out? With these tips, it makes dating long distance just a little easier.