My parents often look at me with crazy eyes when I reference terms like “talking stage” and “situationship” in casual conversation. To Gen Z, it’s normal to keep things casual regarding relationships, sometimes for months on end. But to our parents, the way we approach dating sounds like a different culture.
My mom has told me before that when she was growing up, dating was much simpler. There were no “talking stages,” no “let’s just keep things casual.” If you went out on a date with someone, you were considered to be dating them. Plain and simple.
It was when she first told me this that I began to realize just how different our generation is when it comes to relationships. I started to think back on how many of my friends had been in relationships, and the answer was…not many. But then I thought about how many of my friends had been confused by the actions of someone they weren’t even dating. That number? Staggering.
Somewhere along the way, love turned into a guessing game. Now, relationships are a cluster of unspoken rules, delayed responses, and “what are we?” conversations that never seem to reach a conclusion. Our dating scene is hard to navigate. So, what’s the deal? Why does Gen Z have an obsession with labels and hookup culture? Why are we so slow when it comes to love? And where did this widespread fear of commitment even come from?
The obsession with (and fear of) labels
When an adult asks you to define these ambiguous terms, it’s almost second nature to us; of course, we know what they mean. A talking stage is the phase before officially dating, where you get to know the person. It’s filled with constant communication, late-night texts, and that rush of possibility. But more often than not, it leads to miscommunications, anxiety, and the most unfortunate yet common outcome: ghosting.
A situationship, on the other hand, is when two people do everything a couple would, except without the actual label. These have become infamous for their emotional turmoil, often leaving one person detached while the other falls hard. Or worse, neither party knows how, or even wants, to commit.
So, why is Gen Z so afraid of the labels “relationship” or “dating”? The answer is simple…freedom. Many don’t want to feel confined, which is why talking stages and situationships thrive in ambiguity. But this mindset disregards the whole point of relationships: commitment. A healthy, flourishing relationship should balance commitment, freedom, and trust. Does Gen Z not know how to maintain that balance?
I would argue no, we don’t.
Social media’s impact
Our generation has also coined terms such as “love bombing,” “ghosting,” “benching,” and “breadcrumbing.” You’ve likely seen these buzzwords while scrolling through TikTok. And that’s where another problem comes into play.
Social media fuels these behaviors, turning them into trends rather than red flags. When these terms gain traction online, they quickly become normalized. We see them as relatable, so we start using them to define our own relationships and behaviors. And the more we use them, the more they feel justified, leading to a generation where emotional detachment and mixed signals are not just common but expected.
Because of the way we see relationships nowadays, many people are now scared to put themselves out there in the first place. The rise of dating apps such as Tinder and Hinge has also fueled people’s fear of making moves and beginning relationships. Dating apps, for a lot of people, seem like an easy way to find people, but the problem is that it’s not easy to find a relationship on a dating app. According to a Pew Research Center study, approximately 10% of partnered adults met their current spouse or partner through a dating site or app.
The problem with the apps is that all you see when you swipe on a profile are people’s best pictures of themselves and a profile that will tell you very little. It’s so easy to swipe right and left, but in person, you have no choice but to get to know people better, which is why meeting people in real life is much more successful. You aren’t basing your liking of someone based solely on how they look.
Fear of commitment
Today, our generation views commitment as a distant ideal. For many, relationships are seen as distractions from what matters, which could be personal growth or progress in other areas of life. But beyond that, there’s also a fear of getting into a relationship due to past negative experiences or unhealed emotional wounds. This is why so many people find themselves single for extended periods.
I remember one of my college professors sharing an interesting perspective in class. He mentioned that, as a teenager, he went through several heartbreaks because dating was so normalized in his generation. But now, it’s rare to meet someone in Gen Z who has even experienced one heartbreak. Many of my friends talk about wanting to be in a relationship, but they’re hesitant…they are getting over past pain, unsure how to make a move, or fearful of rejection. This fear is a result of today’s societal expectations.
The damage of hookup culture and casual dating
Social media plays a huge role in shaping our attitudes toward relationships, especially with the rise of hookup culture. This phenomenon, which has become more normalized and even encouraged, is often tied to casual dating. Hooking up with someone doesn’t require emotional attachment or commitment, making it an appealing alternative to more serious relationships.
You’ve probably encountered someone with the “keeping options open” mentality. Gen Z’s desire for freedom in relationships often leads to seeing dating as casual and fluid. With so many options available, the idea of committing to one person seems less and less appealing.
What we’ve been unable to fully consider in developing this new approach when it comes to love is the emotional toll that it can end up taking on us. For instance, undefined relationships lead to uncertainty and anxieties that can persist for years and affect future connections. There is also the issue of one-sided love, where one person might view the other as a potential long-term partner, but the other person might think of it as the exact opposite. There is a big fear today of vulnerability and rejection when it comes to connections, which is strongly hindering the formation of relationships as well.
A few months ago, I found myself in a “situationship” of sorts, and it affected me almost as much as the actual relationship I was in a few years ago. It was an emotionally turbulent time — I was constantly worrying about his feelings while neglecting my own. I liked him so much that I ignored the reality of the situation: his claim of “not being ready” for a relationship probably just meant he would never be ready for one with me. Still, I felt like I was being strung along, stuck in a waiting game for something that would never actually happen.
My experience is one that too many people can relate to, and whenever I’ve shared my story, others have echoed the same feelings. For those who genuinely want love, casual relationships can take a real toll — on emotions, mental health, and overall morale when it comes to dating. I see it as a kind of plague. But like any plague, there are people who haven’t been affected yet, and those who have the chance to heal.
Where do we go now?
The overarching issue is that most of Gen Z do want relationships. More and more of us simply don’t know how to find or sustain them. Right now, things look bleak, and reversing this trend would take a major societal shift, just like the one that shaped modern dating into what it is today. But I’d like to believe my generation isn’t completely hopeless.
Casual relationships aren’t necessarily a bad thing. The problem is that “keeping it casual” has become so prevalent that it’s concerning. There was a time when a clear balance existed between casual and committed relationships, and I think that technology has had a lot to do with why this has changed.
The most important realization Gen Z needs to come to is that independence and relationships aren’t mutually exclusive. Being with someone doesn’t mean losing yourself to them. A healthy relationship isn’t about becoming “one” with another person; it’s about growing together while still maintaining individuality. There should be a balance between what two people share and what they continue to grow within themselves.
I feel as if younger generations are slowly losing themselves to social media in general, and it’s reshaping almost every aspect of our lives…not just relationships, but also friendships, education, motivations, and aspirations. Social media, instant gratification, and never-ending digital connection have changed the way we interact, how we value our time, and even what we strive for. We’re losing sight of everything that older generations once considered important: meaningful relationships, in-person connections, and long-term goals that take patience and dedication. Instead, we’ve gotten used to convenience and surface-level validation. The way we approach life itself is shifting, and whether that will eventually be for better or worse is something we have yet to fully understand. Right now, it seems like it is for the worse.
I’ll leave you with this: do you think we’re redefining love in a way that benefits us, or are we avoiding it altogether?