If the Avengers Went to JMU

With the Avengers: Infinity War trailer recently dropping and basically sending the entire world into a bloody tailspin, I thought it would be appropriate for us all to stop and take a moment to imagine what it would be like, in a perfect world, if the Avengers went to JMU…

 

1. Imagine you’re walking through the commons, hands with flyers coming at you from all directions. You bob and weave and pretend to be texting, but the hand-outs just keep coming at breakneck speed. And then, amid the chaos and confusion, you see him. Tony Stark, walking through the commons, fashionable sunglasses firmly in place and his head held high as he parts the crowd like Moses parting the Red Sea. No one dares go near him, until one freshman, naive and unaware, approaches Tony. Before the kid can even get out a word, Tony flashes him a 1000-watt smile, and tells him…

 

 

The freshman immediately bursts into flames. The crowd cheers. All of our crops thrive.

2. He’s been in your class all semester, and you still can’t understand a single thing he says. The only thing you do know about Thor is that he is out-of-this-world gorgeous. And he laughs extremely loud. And he doesn’t know how to use a laptop. And thinks he can control the weather or something??? Where the heck is this guy from…

    

 

3. It’s the first day of the school year. You put off taking this science GenEd class for three years now (basically until you couldn’t put it off any longer). You look around at the lecture hall of about 200 students. You are dead inside. You take a seat in the back, and pray to God that no one in their right mind tries to sit too close to you. You’re so close… Only a few minutes left until you’re in the clear, and then - Peter Parker happens. He sits down right next to you and immediately tries to become “friends” (he is clearly a freshman - we’ve all been there). He wants to know your name your year your major if you want to be study buddies and all you want is to disappear through the floor, because even though Peter seems like a nice guy, he is way too full of life for you right now. Why can’t he just suffer silently like everyone else?

    

 

4. We’ve all seen it happen: you’re at a party with your friends, having a good time, when you notice that one really drunk girl’s friends have abandoned her and left to go home. Some sleaze-ball is starting to get real close, tugging on her arm and trying to take the drunk girl home with him. Before you can even get over there, you’re beat to the punch as the golden, hulking figure of Steve Rogers appears behind the creep, claps a heavy hand on his shoulder, and throws the guy across the room. He then escorts the girl safely home because he is a saint, and famous for going to parties and saving drunk girls from being taken advantage of by terrible men. God bless Steve Rogers (and his perfect butt).

 

5. You are pumped for your boxing class this morning. You’ve been stressed all week and wanting to punch something since your alarm went off on Monday morning. You walk in, tape up your hands, and can’t help but get excited when your instructor walks in. Natasha Romanoff, with her fiery red hair and killer biceps takes her place at the front of the room, and then proceeds to work your a** to kingdom come (while barely breaking a sweat herself) for the next hour straight, and you love every second of it.

 

 

6. We all know him. We all love him. We are all wondering what the heck he is still doing here. Clint Barton, despite having already graduated, is still back on campus basically every weekend. It’s like he never left, like he’s been doing that kegstand for the past 5 years straight. Like the keg has become a permanent part of his anatomy. You wonder if he has a job? Friends? A family? But then he beats his own PR on that kegger and you can’t help but erupt into cheers with the rest of the party, because this is Clint’s world and we are all just living in it.

 

 

 

7. Do you have a thing for men in uniform? Maybe. Do you have a thing for that man in a uniform? Oh, absolutely. Bucky Barnes (pre-Winter Soldier) is the picture of wholesome, clean-cut and all-American, while still maintaining that rakish smile and those flirty eyebrows that make your knees go weak. You just wanna wrap that boy up all nice and tight and...and... uh… take him home to meet your parents. Yeah, that’s it…

 

 

8. He is probably the coolest and most understanding professor of all time. Phil Coulson has smile lines around his eyes and wears sweater vests and gives people extensions on their papers when he knows they really need them for good reasons. He tries to learn everyone’s names and starts every class by playing some classical music, a funny cat video, or having the class do a brain teaser. You wish he would adopt you. You have already filled out the paperwork…

 

9. Some professors rule through love, some fear, and others, respect. Somehow, Nick Fury manages to use all three. He’s the professor of your 400-level major class, one of the last hurdles you have to get past before you graduate and become a member of the real world. And Nick Fury is most definitely not taking any of anyone’s bull. He looks like he is made of stone. Sometimes he speaks like he is seriously considering killing you all. And yet, at the end of the day, you can’t help but respect the fact that he is scaring you all into become better, more prepared adults. And you love him for that.