As a 20-year-old junior in college, I’ve been fortunate to experience a lot of growth. I’ve completed internships, taken on leadership roles, built a healthy relationship, and secured a campus job that opens exciting doors for life after graduation. I’m proud of the path I’m on; it’s one I’ve worked hard for.
But lately, I’ve noticed a shift in my friendships. Many of my friends are still in a carefree mindset, living in the moment and enjoying college in their own way. There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s valid, and for some, it’s exactly what they need right now. But for me, it’s starting to feel like we’re moving in different directions. And as I grow, I’m struggling to maintain the same connection with people who don’t share the same priorities.
If you’re feeling this too, here’s what I’ve learned (after a very long phone call with my mom) about how to move forward without resentment, and with clarity and compassion.
Growth doesn’t always happen at the same pace, and that’s ok. It’s natural to evolve at different speeds. Just because your friends aren’t focused on the same things doesn’t mean they’re wrong or immature; it just means you’re in different seasons of life. I’ve had to remind myself that growth isn’t a race, and it’s ok if our paths diverge.
This realization helped me release the guilt I felt for pulling away. It’s not about abandoning anyone, it’s about honoring where I am and what I need.
Having conversations can help preserve respect, even if the relationship changes. Instead of silently drifting apart, I’ve found it helpful to talk openly with my friends. I’ve shared how I’m feeling, not to criticize, but to explain that my priorities are shifting. These conversations have been surprisingly grounding. Being honest allows you to maintain respect, even if the relationship changes.
Finding new communities can help you feel supported and inspired. I’ve started investing time in spaces that align with my ambitions, professional organizations, mentorship programs, and leadership groups. These environments energize me and remind me that I’m not alone in wanting more.
It’s not about replacing old friends; it’s about expanding your circle to include people who challenge and uplift you.
Setting boundaries is essential to protect your energy and stay focused. I used to feel obligated to say yes to every invite, even when it didn’t align with my goals. Now, I’m learning to say no without guilt. I prioritize events and people that leave me fulfilled, not drained.
It’s normal to feel lonely when you’re growing, but that doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong path. There are moments when I miss the spontaneity and closeness I had with my friends. Growth can be isolating, especially when it means stepping away from familiar dynamics. But I’ve learned that loneliness isn’t a sign I’m doing something wrong, it’s a sign I’m evolving.
In those quiet moments, I lean into self-reflection and dreaming bigger. It helps me stay grounded in my purpose.
Every step forward is proof that you’re building something meaningful. Every opportunity I’ve earned has brought me closer to the life I envision. I remind myself that I’m not missing out; I’m investing in something meaningful.
The right people will find you when you’re living authentically. Some old friends may grow with you. Others may not. But your path is yours, and it’s worth walking with confidence.