In a world where so many of our relationships are fostered through an online community, it only makes sense that college students are also using dating apps. But how do we actually feel about the experience? As a young woman, my view on Hinge is probably very different than that of a guy my age. Or is it?
To find out, I asked my guy friend a few questions about his experience using Hinge. I will also be answering the same questions in order to compare our perspectives. I will be referring to us by our initials, I am “C” and he is “P.”
what do you look for in a person’s profile?
C: “Personally, when I am clicking through profiles, I like to look at the type of pictures they have posted. If it is only pictures in a group, it is going to be a no for me. If there are pictures with guns or fish, it is also going to be a no for me. I like to see a good variety of pictures. A few with friends, one of a hobby or sport, and some actual funny responses to the prompts. Trying to take Hinge too seriously isn’t going to get a person far, but treating it as a joke is also not going to get anyone far. I think that the best profiles are the ones that don’t feel basic or generic, because putting women as ‘your most irrational fear’ has not and will not ever be funny.”
P: “The first thing that I notice is the photos someone picked. Also their style. If your profile is basic I feel like it’s a reflection of your personality. Same with it being over the top. How you dress says a lot about you as well. I don’t like that about dating apps, how it’s such little information about a person. So someone’s style is a big thing that I look at.”
Do you feel like your profile is a good representation of you as a person?
C: “I feel like my profile is an okay representation of me as a person. I have pictures of me and my best friends, as well as having a few solo pictures. My responses are true to my personality, according to friends and I think that is pretty important.”
P: “Absolutely not. It is such a peek through the keyhole of who someone is. I can’t show everything about me, so it is a very surface level look at who I am. I do not think that it is a good representation of who I am for that reason.”
Do you have a go-to line/How do you start your conversations?
C: “I do not have a go-to line. I would say that if one of us did not like a person’s prompt, just a picture, I start with ‘hey’ and go from there. I would say that most of the time, I do not have to message first so I always feel a little nervous when I do.”
P: “No. It depends on the person or what their profile says about them. But no, pick-up lines are not my style. For me, I traditionally don’t message first. I don’t want to put energy into something that isn’t going to be returned, and I don’t want to waste my time on someone who won’t say anything back. I’m pretty passive, I match the energy rather than set the tone.”
Do you think that men and women experience online dating differently?Â
C: “Yes, I think that we totally do. I think that women receive a lot more sexual or inappropriate messages. I also think that when it comes time to meet up or exchange personal information, it can be a little be stressful or nerve-racking and men might not feel the same level for anxiety.”
P: “1000%. I’ve heard a lot more horror stories about guys on dating apps. They will just say some wild stuff compared to what women say.”
Why do you think People ghost people so often?
C: “Getting to know people takes a lot of energy and with most conversations being through text it can get boring or you can lose interest a lot faster. I think that ghosting is just the automatic response for a lot of people in our generation. It’s easy to say nothing.
P: “People see something that they do not like and they decide that it’s not worth the effort. It takes energy to talk to new people and it’s not worth it to people sometimes.”
Conclusion
So, do I think that men and women see online dating differently? Yes and no. I think that some of our answers had similar points but I do think that what we initially look for is different. How we view our own profiles is also interesting to think about. What I have gathered from both of our experiences is that online dating is not for the weak and if you or someone you know is on the apps, I wish you the best of luck!