Making friends is weird. When you think about it, it’s a process of meeting someone you like enough to talk to on a regular basis before eventually deciding you trust them to support you and know the details of your personal life. Put that way, friends sound like a bizarre concept, but making friends is actually one of the best ways to enjoy life. Feeling like you don’t have friends is one of the loneliest feelings in the world, and it’s even worse when the people you bring into your life don’t see you or get you the way that you are.Â
The secret to making friends is talking to people around you and “trying them on”. Don’t expect a life-changing relationship right from the moment you meet someone. Some people will fit into your life just right, while others might be more temporary (but still valuable!) friends. The friends that really stick will feel right early on, and from there you just have to work on building that positive feeling into a stable friendship.Â
Once you find someone that “fits” into your life, invite them to do things with you and your other friends. Inviting new people to hangouts with my existing friends is the way I expanded my smaller, tight-knit group into my larger friend group. Plus, invites to group functions can feel less daunting than hanging out one-on-one with someone for the first time. When there’s a group — and everyone shares a mutual friend, you! — there’s more opportunity for conversation and new friendships to form. If a hangout doesn’t go smoothly, then it doesn’t need to happen again. But, at least you know you “tried” that friend on to know for sure.Â
When going through this trial-and-error process of making friends, you have to be willing to move forward and not get hung up on the past. If you think too much about something embarrassing you said or an awkward silence during conversation, you won’t remember a funny joke they said or a fun day you two spent together. Once you find the right fit and begin having shared experiences, the initial awkwardness will always fade away. You’ll find that the conversation flows much more naturally when you’re meeting new mutual friends together, trying new things together, and just experiencing a new world (like college!) by each other’s side.
They aren’t always the best role models, but the ladies of Sex and the City definitely get friendship right. They’re always there for each other, whether it’s by showing support or checking each other on poor behavior (a sentiment mostly directed at the show’s leading lady, Carrie Bradshaw). But it’s important to remember that even in Sex and the City, the ladies don’t necessarily find their “perfect friendships” until their 30s. This proves that building picture-perfect supportive female friendships takes time. So, although it sometimes sucks to open Instagram and see endless photos of friend groups, your perfect friendship match is waiting out there somewhere! You just have to test the waters to find them.Â
When the friendship search starts to feel bleak, always remember: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It may seem like everyone has found their perfect friend group, but you never really know what that group’s dynamic is like beneath the surface. Instead of comparing, focus on meeting new people, doing new things, and letting time reveal who your “true blue” friends will be. You never want to rush into meeting your people; I promise, they’ll find you.