Dear Kara,
My boyfriend and I are pretty serious. Like taking-the-plunge-for-marriage-soon serious. He keeps asking me to have unprotected sex, but I don’t think it’s a good idea, even though I’m on the pill. How do I tell him to stop asking without saying that directly? It’s not that I don’t want to, but that’s pretty intimate and I need a serious commitment before that’s happening.
Sincerely,
Safe Sex is Great Sex
Dear Safe Sex is Great Sex,
First of all, you shouldn’t have to explain yourself. So if he’s pressuring you, it’s not a good situation. However, if he asks and you just say, “Oh not now,” he might think there’s a chance later. It is absolutely your health above all, so explain that to him and emphasize that it’s not only your physical health you’re concerned with, but your mental and emotional well-being too. That’s a connection you don’t want to share with anyone else and you want to make sure he’s the only one it happens with in the long run. So until there’s a ring on your finger, no glove, no love.
_____________________________________________________________
Dear Kara,
Saying those 3 little words to someone for the first time is arguably the hardest thing ever. I don’t know how to get them out! I keep thinking I’ll just slip it into conversation, but then I stop and think- OMG, what if he doesn’t think the same thing… My guy and I have been together on and off for about a year now, but it’s college. I feel like it’s serious, but then again guys are really good at making you believe a totally different reality than the one you’re living. How do I tell him?!
Hopelessly Devoted
Dear Hopelessly Devoted,
If you think he might feel the same way, go ahead and say it, you never know! But if you doubt the intensity of your relationship after that amount of time, maybe it’s not a healthy relationship for you to be in right now. We were given instincts for a reason, so just try and trust them.
______________________________________________________________
Dear Kara,
I used to be one of those people who thought being fat was a choice and that if you just work out and eat right, your body will eventually transform into what you want. Well, recently I’ve gone on serious medication for newly discovered health problems and I have gained so much weight. I’m getting really sick of people commenting on it and saying it’s because “that’s what happens in college.” No, no it’s not! As if I didn’t have enough self-esteem issues.
Help!
My Real Name Should Be Fat Patricia
Dear My Real Name Should Be Fat Patricia,
It sucks when people assume things about you just because “it’s soo obvious” when in actuality they know nothing about you. At this point, you have to decide what’s more important to you: your health or what other people think about you. You can’t fix stupid, but you can try to fix ignorance. If someone brings it up with you, explain it and tell him or her to research it before thinking the worst of someone. I hope your health is better soon!
Have a conflict? Need advice? Ask Kara! We’re here to help and it’s completely anonymous! Submit an email to hercampusaskkara@gmail.com and see it published in next month’s article!