Dear Kara,
I have been friends with this girl for a LONG time and she has never really been that great of a friend to me. I always try to make plans with her and it’s either not reciprocated or she bails. I am so frustrated because I know that our parents are friends, but I also know she doesn’t tell her parents the amount of stuff I tell mine. My parents know everything that’s happened along the course of our friendship and hers think she’s an angel. I’m beginning to think it’s just not worth it anymore.
-We’re not even dating
Dear We’re not even dating,
Have you thought about why you’re not truly friends? Has it always been this way and you’re just now noticing? Or could it be something that has changed because of recent circumstances? If you think that she’s always been this way, then she probably won’t even notice if you don’t say anything and just pull back completely. If you think it’s possible that she doesn’t even know she’s changed, and she will be hurt, you may want to just talk to her about your concerns and see if there’s any way to salvage the relationship. Be honest, but not rude; be straightforward, but not mean; and talk as though it were her coming to you. Good luck!
Dear Kara,
No matter what I do, no matter what the organization is, I constantly feel left out. I run for positions and try to be outgoing and reach out to people. One-on-one I feel like it’s fine, but when it comes to group settings, I always feel like I’m unwanted and I don’t understand why. When I ask people about it, they say it’s not true and that I’m always welcome, but it doesn’t feel that way.
-On the outside
Dear On the Outside,
If you’ve asked people specifically about it and they’ve said that nothing is wrong, you might be overreacting a little bit. It is possible that this is an effect that has been carried over from high school and you’re simply in constant fear of what others think about you. However, the people you’re with might not even know they’re doing something that is upsetting you! It could help to try talking to the person who is in charge and letting him or her know that this is how you’re feeling. But, the last thing you want to do is put out a vibe that says, “I know you don’t want me here, so I’m going to just pretend I’m not here.” Try not worrying about it next time and just put yourself out there, take a risk!
Dear Kara,
I dated a guy for two years in high school and we haven’t really talked in awhile. However, I’m in my junior year of college now and we reconnected this past summer. I wouldn’t call it anything because we don’t go to school close to each other and we don’t even live near each other anymore. But I definitely talk in a friendlier way with him than I talk to other guy friends. I really don’t want to start getting feelings for him again because it was really difficult when things ended before.
-Single and Ready to Mingle?
Dear Single and Ready to Mingle,
If you really don’t want to have feelings for him again, it’s probably a good idea to cut ties. You can’t move on from one person if he is still prominently in your life; especially if you are acting like a couple. It’s not fair to either of you to be flirty if you know in your heart that it’s not going anywhere – even if he says he’s on the same page as you he’s probably thinking something different – and he may not even realize it yet! I think if you have to ask, you already know it’s not right and you’re probably going to want to relinquish the “friendship” entirely.