Welcome to HerCampus.com, your go-to source for all things pertaining to college women and how to respect them. Now that the weather has turned warmer and young women have begun to wear dresses and shorts instead of winter coats and snowpants, the miseducation of many on the subject of catcalling has become increasingly apparent. Should you ever find yourself in a situation where catcalling may be an option and you are unaware of how to handle it, here is a step-by-step translation guide that will surely help you figure out the right way to proceed in said instance.
1. Instead of: “Hey girl, nice a**”
Try: Keeping your eyes on the road instead of her behind. Wouldn’t want to get into an accident, now would you?
2. Instead of: “Why don’t you come on over here, pretty lady?”
Try: Driving your car instead of idling it. Not only will you save money on gas, but you’ll save yourself the trouble of explaining to a judge why you were parked in the fire lane.
3. Instead of honking your horn as she walks past
Try: Keeping both hands on the wheel at nine-and-three. You never know when you’ll need to make a U-turn to pick up the dignity you dropped a few blocks ago.
4. Instead of “Hey baby what’s your number?”
Try: Asking for her x-rays instead. It’s what’s on the inside that matters, after all.
5. Instead of: whistling in her general direction
Try: Picking up the guitar. Not only does it sound much nicer than whistling, but learning to sing along will also keep your mouth so busy that it won’t have time to whistle anyways.
6. Instead of: “You’re so hot, it’s giving me a sunburn.”
Try: Investing in some sunscreen. A two pack of Equate Sport Continuous Sunscreen is less than $10 at your local Walmart and it’ll lessen your chances of developing skin cancer as an adult. You know what they say: sky’s out, SPF 55’s out.
7. Instead of: unintelligible yelling
Try: Singing along to the radio. Maybe the latest Jason Derulo song will help you recognize which terrible terrible influences lead you to the conclusion that objectifying women was an acceptable way of treating them.
8. Instead of catcalling
Try being a decent human being and treat women like actual humans who deserve to be respected and treated as if they are more than just their physical traits. Female objectification is not only harmful and derogatory, but continues to feed into a system in which a woman’s value is placed on the size of her chest rather than by the extent of her intelligence.