5 (Bitter) Thoughts You Have While Parking Your Car

1. That infamous small car

You’re running late, hit all 6 lights from your apartment to the parking garage and there it is… finally... a spot coming up on your left. You smile in relief! Maybe today you don’t actually have to half speed walk, half sprint to your class across the quad (although, you did make a point to wear that extra strength antiperspirant deodorant your grandma got you for Christmas just for this particular occasion) As you giddily inch your way closer to the open spot, you are faced with the harsh reality… That spot isn’t open at all. No, what you are faced with is the inevitable Hyundai compact car. Your stomach sinks to your shoes and you become angry. Who drives those small cars anyway? Miniature chihuahuas?

2.  Faculty parking

Passing the faculty parking you can’t help but become exasperated at the amount of open spots that your vehicle could safely be resting in. One… two… three… really? It’s almost as if those elite parking spots are taunting you. All you can do is longingly stare as each spot is a cruel reminder of your student status. When faced with this dilemma Dukes, there is only one valid solution, turn your radio up loud and drown out your tears with the power of music.

3. Parking in ‘Nam

When each parking garage you come to shines “FULL”, those 4 angry red letters, please try and remain optimistic. You see, there is always parking in Narnia. You know, that parking lot that is four football stadiums away from your class. Unfortunately when faced with this common problem, there’s not much else we can do besides suck it up, put our backpacks on and set out on that voyage Frodo style. Don’t forget to give fellow Dukes a smile as they set forth on this same adventure, because as hard as it gets, we need to remind ourselves the wise words of Troy Bolton: we are all in this together.

4. Taking a Chance With Metered Parking

You sprint to Dukes, praying there are no lines, because your bad a** self took a leap of fate with metered parking. You have thirty minutes tops to get your sandwich, use the facilities, avoid that kid you awkwardly make small talk with in your 8 am and get back to your car before your day is inevitably ruined. Do you think you can handle such a task? Good luck, soldiers.

5. The Ticket

We all know the feeling… coming back to our cars after a long day of school work to see that shiny yellow paper of doom. You can’t help but calculate the amount of items you could buy with the money you have wasted away on parking tickets. Six pairs of jeans, the whole McDonalds menu, maybe even a trip to Bermuda if you have my kind of luck. Parking services, if you are reading, I hope you know I am sorry for parking a single spot before the commuter parking lot. After all, we all make mistakes.

Despite our unavoidable acidity towards parking, it’s a small price to pay to go to the best school in the world. We love you JMU, even though your parking game is simply subpar at best.