1. Small talk with your cab driver
There is always the classic “Hi, How are you?” and “Just fine, thanks”, but then what happens? Awkward silence seems to invade the car as the person in the front seat dabbles with their cell phone. Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat… Twitter once again… are we there yet? Your friend Becky in the backseat is turning green. C’mon Becky, no one wants to clean your D-Hall remains off of this kind man’s taxi interior. Unable to handle the silence any longer, you finally speak up… “How’s… your family?” The cab driver looks at you blankly as you finally pull up to your destination. “$7.50, please.”
2. Waiting in line for the bathroom
So many girls lie ahead of you as you curse that boxed wine and your pea sized female bladder. This here is when time distorts and nothing seems important except luxuriously excreting that steady flow. How long has it been? Minutes, hours… days? You’re finally next as you wait what seems like forever for a lion pack of ladies to finally make their exit. You decide you can’t take it anymore, so you burst through the doors. “Smile!” the girls say as they take a mirror selfie in the bathroom. You feel something warm running down your leg. Who’s smiling now? Not you… most definitely not you.
3. Running into someone from class last semester
You know you have met this person before, but where? Was it UREC… no… your freshman dorm? Nope. Is it that guy who you sat next to in Carrier that smelled like American cheese? No… Oh yeah! You shared that 8:00 AM last semester! He looks so different without disheveled hair and baggy eyelids. He’s walking by you… “Hey Craig!” you exclaim. Cool, he looks excited to see me. “Hey! You’re the girl that works at Chipotle right?” Crap, what have I done. “Yeah, totally!” Great… depart convo, DEPART CONVO!
4. Seeing people… dance
Are you at a party or a sweaty sexy aerobics class? That doesn’t look right… that doesn’t belong there… your mama definitely would not be happy to see that. You try to fit right in as you whip out your Hustle and your Stanky Leg. Welp, okay, that’s enough of that.
5. Drunk texting (enough said)
Him: Hey, what’s up?
You: Hey, I’m thinking about you, are you thinking about me? My ex-boyfriend never thought about me. All he thought about was buffalo chicken.
You: I mean who is this?
You: You have the wrong number.
(No response)