The 10 Stages of Going to a Frat Party as an Upperclassman, as Told by Donald Trump

There’s something about freshman year that will remain forever crystallized by a little shamble-yness, a lot of laughs and even more lessons. It was the best of times and occasionally, the worst of times, as we all figured out how to navigate the college landscape. However, like that guy from your GHUM class that you hooked up with, some things should stay in freshman year. Here are the 10 stages of going to a frat party as an upperclassman.

1. The “Line ‘Em Up” Stage

It wouldn’t be a frat crawl without a synchronized bottoms up.

2. The “Freshman Year Flashback” Stage

    It only takes one whiff of that $13 raspberry vodka to realize that it smells like every mistake you’ve made since freshman year.

3. The “I Should’ve Worn Sweatpants” Stage

    Was walking to a party always this cold?

4. The “Why is This Floor So Sticky” Stage

    There’s something keeping your feet stuck to the basement floor and you’re 99% certain it isn’t leftover gum.

5. The “Now I Know Why This Floor Is So Sticky” Stage

    After one beer bath too many, you remember exactly why that floor is so sticky.

6. The “Can You Turn It Down?” Stage

    Don’t these youngins have eardrums?

7. The “Do I Look as Old as I Feel?” Stage

    You can’t tell if you’re just getting older or if everyone has somehow found the secret to avoiding aging.

8. The “I’m Old Enough to be Your Mother” Stage

    You are further reminded of your senior status when a boy who looks no older than twelve asks if you’re up for a dance.

9. The “Is It Too Late to Do Popcorn and a Movie?” Stage

    You’re not quite sure what compelled you to take a trip down memory lane, but you’re wishing you’d just stuck to your routine instead.

10. The “This is More Like It” Stage

    Popcorn? Check. Netflix? Check. Sweatpants? Triple check.