Bowling Green Massacre: What Really Happened

There has been much backlash to Kellyanne Conway’s mentioning of the Bowling Green Massacre, with many people having the audacity to hint that the tragedy never occurred. The insensitivity of BGM deiniers to those afflicted in BGM is appalling, and the HC staff is surprised that there has not yet been a protest organized by Trump supporters to raise awareness for the victims of the attack (unless of course those victims include anyone other than straight white men).

For those of you that might be confused about the details of the massacre, you are not alone.  The liberal media has not reported on the incident because the facts contradict the reality that liberals just don’t want to face: if you are not an American, you definitely want to kill someone.

Here is a brief overview of what occurred at Bowling Green on February 30:

1. It all started with citizens of Mexico who, headed straight to Bowling Green from the border, managed to get through since Trump has not yet achieved putting in his new chain-link fence.

2. Meryl Streep (overrated, did you know) convinced them to only go after good law-abiding citizens who were still standing around complaining about the Women’s March and how maybe those protesters should get jobs.

3. Police quickly arrived at the scene but were taken down immediately because Trump likes them to only arrest people who never had weapons in the first place.

4. Trump sent his Kingsguard all the way from King’s Landing/DC to help, but the Hound panicked when he saw fire and retreated. (There is a large bounty on him, in case you’re low on cash).

5. Many minorities, AKA terrorists, joined the massacre, using guns that they had stolen because obviously no one ever uses guns to murder people if they have licenses for them.

6. Then the strange non-Christians summoned the demogorgon from the Upside Down, who mortified crowds with a dead Barbara.

7. The terrorists also continuously displayed pictures of showing Trump’s lack of an inaugural crowd, which had Spicer literally twitching with anxiety.

8. Death Eaters (from England, mind you) swarmed the scene to perform torture curses on everyone in sight, until Lord Voldemort himself arrived to overrun the town with snakes.

9. The snakes have since died of heat stroke from climate cha – I mean, food poisoning.

10. The terrorists then donated thousands of dollars to Planned Parenthood, which caused the entire town of Bowling Green to explode.

If you also died in the Bowling Green massacre, please share this article to raise awareness about your own death.