Yes, that title is exactly what it sounds like. Last summer, I had a short-term relationship with one of my friends after a year of romantic chemistry (we’ll call her Jean). We’ve known each other since elementary school and dated for two months the summer before my sophomore year of college. After we broke up, we remained friends (a controversial decision, I’m sure) and believe it or not, our friendship became stronger after our relationship. Since both of us are still single six months after the break-up, we decided it would be fun to have a “date” this Valentine’s day.
While I went away to a four-year college, Jean stayed at home to work and study at community college, so we only get to see each other when I come home for a weekend. I decided to come home for Valentine’s Day weekend since it was the only weekend in February I didn’t have plans on campus, so I reached out to Jean so we could hang out. Coincidentally, Valentine’s Day was the only day that weekend she wasn’t working, so we made plans to visit our favorite cafe that afternoon. After those plans were set, Jean texted me asking if I wanted to check out her favorite used bookstore while we were out, and of course, I couldn’t turn that down.
Many of my friends from college questioned my judgement on not only staying friends with an ex, but also the timing of our next meet-up. It may not work for every couple, but keeping a friendship with a past partner is actually a more viable option than many people think! I will admit that because Jean and I were already friends for years before we dated, it was a relatively easy transition. The transition phase can feel awkward, but assuming the relationship ended on somewhat civil terms, your ex may still be someone you have common interests with and have good wishes for.
While Jean and I were dating, we both realized around the same time that we didn’t have the romantic chemistry we thought we did, so we broke up in September. It sounds like horrible news, but it actually brought us closer. We thought we would be a good pair, tried it out, and it just didn’t work. I actually had a lot of fun telling my friends at school, “My weekend was great! I went to the movies, did some homework, nothing special. Oh yeah, Jean and I broke up.”
Breakups can be devastating, especially after long-term relationships. I ended a long-term relationship in high school and although it took much longer and was a bit rougher, that ex and I were still able to remain friends and three years later, we meet up every summer break for smoothies. But please, don’t put so much pressure on yourself after a relationship to place blame or to move on immediately. You may not be able to be friends with your ex, or they aren’t able to be friends with you. Maybe you can be friends, but not for a while after you’ve both had some time to yourselves. Take your time, communicate, and know that it can be easier than you think to maintain the friendship you based your relationship on.