If you’re like me and experienced a breakup before college (or in general), this is for you. Currently, I understand that breakups are—to put it nicely—awful. Losing someone you cherished so closely is like grieving the loss of someone who’s still alive. They’re still out there somewhere, yet you’re stuck living with the ghost of them. Trust me, when a heart breaks, it doesn’t break even. Moving on is quite the process, but if I can do it, so can you.
- Focus on yourself
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Focusing on yourself is easily the most important thing you can do. Losing someone so close to you feels like losing a part of yourself. This is a crucial time for self-care, and you cannot let yourself slip away. Create a skin routine, find a hobby, make sure you’re eating enough and getting enough sleep, exercise, anything that prioritizes you. You are the most important thing right now and you need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.
- Feel the sad
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Coming to terms with what happened is critical to feeling better. Acknowledging your feelings and sadness is especially important. Feel all you need to feel. Get it out of the way. While it’s important to let yourself be sad, it’s important to note that it shouldn’t consume you. You’re allowed to be sad, but it shouldn’t interfere with your everyday life. Take it easy for a few days, listen to heartbreaking music, cry it out, then push through.
Personally, I’ve found that writing my feelings down and never looking at it again has helped. Being in a constant state of sadness won’t do you any good. It’s incredibly important to still be able to function as a person. Also, you will not get through this with anger. Focusing on the things you didn’t like about them is not a healthy way to push through. Trying to avoid being sad will only hinder your recovery process.
- Distract yourself
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As previously mentioned, you can’t let the thoughts consume you. You’re allowed to think about it, but it can’t take over your brain. Finding a distraction and keeping yourself busy is helpful with that. Find a hobby, listen to music, hang out with friends, do work, exercise, anything that isn’t sitting there and thinking about it.
I emphasize hanging out with friends though. Surrounding yourself with people you care about (and who care about you) is so beneficial. You need to spend time with people that aren’t just you. It’s reassuring to know there are still people that care about you.
- NO CONTACT!
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I’m calling myself out here. Do not talk to them. Do not stay friends. Do not reach out. Do not check in. I’m passionate about this because I made myself look like the idiot in my experience. Checking in will not make you feel better. In fact, there is nothing worse than talking to them and hoping they’re as upset as you, only to realize they do not care. I promise you; you don’t need the closure you think you do. Don’t look at the pictures, their story, texts, nothing. Block them if you must. Reaching out in any way will only make things worse.
Breakups are hard. Unfortunately, there is no one answer. There is nothing I can tell you to do that will instantly heal you. It is unfortunate, but it takes time. While there’s no telling how much time it will take, your healing will be so much healthier and easier if you follow these steps. I cannot stress enough how important it is to take care of yourself. Please, if anything, make yourself the priority. Remember how to make yourself happy. You will be okay without them.