For a while now I’ve had this huge desire to rent a van and drive across the country without telling anyone I’m leaving. I just want to go and get out of my little bubble. I constantly daydream of going somewhere new, but the days that I really want to run away are days where I feel like nothing is going right.
I wrote this poem when I was feeling incredibly sad and down, and I feel that it summarizes perfectly the way I’ve been feeling lately. I think writing poetry is incredibly therapeutic, so if you’re going through a difficult time right now and can’t seem to put into words how you feel, give it a shot.
i began to find myself frozen in place,
alone in a bedroom that felt like a
beautiful little cell
a list of to-dos in front of me,
paper and pens ready to be put to work
and yet i could not pick them up
the room was still and quiet,
nothing but myself and the heaters monotonous hum
no company, no distractions
but i didn’t want to be distracted
i didn’t want company,
i didn’t want anything but
to crawl inside of myself,
into my brain and away from reality,
i wanted to disappear
i wanted to run away
to go somewhere far away
where no one needed me
where i wasn’t me.
where i couldn’t disappoint anyone,
where there were no responsibilities.
i wanted to go there,
and stay until i found the strength
to want to be me again.