A Reflection on Forgiveness

I've come to realize that I'm way too forgiving of others. Sure, everyone makes mistakes and sometimes it just feels right to forgive. But is a "mistake" repeated more than once really a mistake?

I have trouble believing it's anything but a decision. If something upsets you and you make it known, there's really no reason that other person should make that 'mistake' again, right? A person that cares should make you feel nothing less than wanted. But, for me, sometimes the line between someone caring and someone keeping me around as an option gets really blurry.

You see, some people know exactly what to say to get under your skin, to make you feel guilty, or to get you to apologize for having emotions you're totally entitled to having. Some people will only want you around when they're bored or lonely. Some people have no idea what they want, so instead, intentionally or not, they mess with your feelings.

Without fail, when I encounter these people, and I truly care about them, the first thing I want to do is forgive. I want to come up with excuses for them. I want to listen to them and believe their excuses, no matter how half-hearted the excuses may be. I want to drown in them and believe that, even if it's just for a little bit, everything will be okay. And, for a while, it does feel okay. For a moment, I really don't mind covering up these 'mistakes' with a bullshit excuse. 

But really, the last thing I deserve is someone who doesn't take the time to ask me how my day has been, someone who only treats me like I matter when it's convenient for them, or someone who isn't capable of recognizing and fixing their mistakes. For the longest time I told myself, "don't let a confused person waste your time or energy," (which is much easier said than done).  Just recently over the past year or so, I finally listened to that advice.

I've learned that sometimes, no matter how much you believe someone is a good person, they just are not good for you, and that is really okay. Forgive others, but don’t let them step all over you. There are some pretty incredible people out there who will treat you how you want to, and you deserve nothing less.