Funny Sex Stories

Sex can be romantic, fun, weird, nerve wracking, and sometimes just incredibly funny. I asked around to find the funniest sex and hook up stories from my friends and classmates.

“A guy was giving me head and I got a charlie horse in my calf. I made a noise because I was so startled with the pain, but he thought I was having an orgasm and said, ‘you like that?’ I didn’t know how to respond so I just didn’t say anything.”  

“One time while I was super drunk, I was making out with a guy and when I opened my eyes, he had blood all over his shirt. I said, ‘dude you’re bleeding!’ and he said, ‘no dude, YOU’RE bleeding.’ I had a bloody nose!”

“The guy I lost my virginity to told me he had asthma like me, but what he didn’t tell me how bad it apparently was. Half way through us doing it, he goes, ‘Oh no hold on’ and runs to his bag and hits his inhaler before running back over to me.I wanted to laugh so hard, but, but I felt bad because I also can’t breath day to day, but in the moment, I was like, “Wow that’s the nerdiest thing I’ve ever seen’.”

 “Once my partner and I were hooking up and they started laughing. I was totally freaking out because it was right at the beginning and I had never done anything bfore. I kept asking why they were laughing and eventually they said, ‘The Jimmy Neutron theme song is stuck in my head…’ sometimes if we’re doing stuff now, I’ll randomly lean over and sing it in their ear.”

“My FWB and I decided to spice it up when we figured out only one of his roommates was home. We went outside and started making out on the lawn furniture. His housemate saw us making out, but we figured we were in the clear, so we started having sex on the lawn furniture. All of a sudden, we heard barking; his roommate sent Marley the dog to walk in on us. We were naked and afraid while his roommate is watching and cracking up the whole time. We eventually went inside, and I made the boy yell at his friends, who were actually all inside. Then he asked me to finish. 

“I hooked up with this guy one year on Halloweekend…me dressed as a Pillsbury dough girl, him as a pirate. We started hooking up at a party then moved to his friend’s dorm where I spent the night and we had sex. Then in the morning I had to do the walk of shame across campus as the Pillsbury dough girl.”

“I was making out with a boy and all of a sudden he sat up and said, ‘holy shit I need to buy plywood’.”

“My boyfriend accidentally emailed my mom our sex tape.”

“He fell off the bed while we were hooking up and fell flat on his face.”

“A guy was eating me out and bit me, I started bleeding and told him to stop. Now when he tells that story, he says I liked being bit and I came.”

“My first kiss was in a Walmart parking lot at 9pm on a Monday, I was holding a bag with crackers and M&Ms”

“He asked to use conditioner as lube when we were having shower sex.”

“My roommate’s dad works for a lotion company, so we get all the reject lotions. I brought one over to this guy’s house but when I put it on him, he started screaming because it had cinnamon in it.”

“I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of the time because I procrastinated applying to colleges.”

“I was having sex with a guy sitting on his couch and I was on top. He bent me backwards so that my whole back was arched, and I was upside-own. I bent too far back though and got stuck, he had to help me be not upside-down while he was still in me.”

“The first time my boyfriend and I hooked up, I was on top of him and he went in for a rough kiss, bumped my nose, and my nose ring cut the inside of my nostril. I started bleeding on his face, but the worst part was I didn’t notice until I tasted blood. I had to get off him and grab a tissue. Luckily it didn’t turn him away from me!”

*Names have been changed

“I went to a party with this guy *Tyler and his friend *Brian and we were all hanging out together. I wandered off but later in the night ran into Brian and told him I wanted to dance. So, Brian takes me to the basement to dance and we start making out and he asked if I wanted to go to his apartment. I said no but he knew the guy who lived in the house we were at, so we went upstairs. We were completely naked and I’m on my knees giving him head in this random room and then this girl comes in and starts screaming that we’re sluts and we had to run downstairs. Tyler, the boy I came with was sitting on the couch totally confused by the screaming and the girl comes down and makes everyone leave.”

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