With my freshman year of college coming to a close, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on all the experiences I’ve had and lessons I’ve learned. While I’m happy to be done, it’s sort of a bittersweet goodbye. I’ll be back here in August, but I’ll never be a freshman again. This has been an amazing experience for someone who hates change so much. I love my hometown and all my friends, and I’m excited to go for the summer, but I’ve also come to love this part of Philadelphia and the friends I’ve made here. I have no doubt that I’ll enjoy my summer home, but I’ll certainly miss it here.
As mentioned, I’ve never been the best with change. I can say with 110% certainty that August was the worst month of my life (so far). I got broken up with, spent half of what was supposed to be a “last hurrah” with my friends in a hospital, started college, had just one friend (who is also my roommate) for a while, got some mystery disease (I still don’t know what it was to this day), and crashed out about 10 times—all in one month. It was rough, to say the least. Slowly but truly, things got better. September was definitely a turnaround. Classes started going well, my roommate introduced me to her new friends, and I started taking the gym more seriously. It felt like I was finally starting to find myself.
My friends have been the best part of this year by miles. I remember being so scared that I would never find anyone here. I am beyond thankful to my roommate for introducing me to her friends, mainly because I know I never would’ve done it on my own. My social life would be nonexistent if it weren’t for them. I also would be nowhere near this happy without them. These are some of the best girls I’ve ever met. My roommate is especially amazing—the best roommate and friend I could ever ask for. It’s still bewildering to me how quickly you can get so close to the right people. 9 months later, and it feels like I’ve known them my whole life. Most of them have the same classes together, and while I’m not with them for most of the day, they never make me feel left out. They truly, deeply, appreciate me for who I am, and that’s not something I’ve experienced much before. While none of us are actually home, they feel like home. Some have come and gone over the past couple of months, but I am eternally grateful for each and every one of them. I love and appreciate them all so much, more than I can put into words, and I hope to conquer Jersey with them this summer.
First-year classes surprisingly weren’t too bad. Biology lecture and lab in my first semester were great introductions to college. Chemistry in my second semester nearly killed me, and it made me terribly miss biology. I tend to set outrageous academic standards for myself, and living up to that has been quite a challenge. The several lock-ins I’ve experienced need to be studied. The several crashouts should be studied as well. Some professors have been angels, and others not so much. This is definitely more of an academically inclined school than anything, which is a great motivator to really lock-in. It’s also a little frightening to know it’s only going to get worse.
Along with school, I also took up many activities. I joined a couple of clubs, although I was more active in some than others. Having something to do at school that isn’t just schoolwork is a nice breath of fresh air. I joined our club field hockey team, Her Campus, the outdoors club, and the kindness club. I also started going to the gym regularly, which has become the highlight of my day most days. Listening to music has become more of a hobby, and my Spotify library has nearly doubled in size. I also recently took up running again, which I didn’t even realize I missed so much. It feels good to know that I’m doing things that make me happy. It’s like I’ve slowly been putting together a puzzle of who I am with all these pieces I’ve unlocked.
Overall, I’ve learned so much. I’ve definitely learned a lot of educational material, and I’ve learned a lot about myself. A lot of people have their idea of “the college experience”, but to me, it’s just figuring out who you are. Being a human, especially a teenager, especially a teenage girl, is so weirdly complex. Simply existing should not be as difficult as it is. There are so many societal expectations about who you should be that it’s hard to know who you truly are. Personally, I’ve spent so many years trying to be who people wanted me to be. The version of myself that I knew was only ever what others made of me. I’ve always been someone who puts others before myself, and while I still do, I’ve also learned to better myself. It’s been a long road to get here, but I finally took up counseling, and it’s worked wonders. I would not be who I am today without this past year, and I’m so grateful for everyone and everything that made it what it was.