Do you know what grinds my gears? People chewing obnoxiously. The incessant action of furiously gnawing on food, coated with a sizeable amount of saliva, swishing around the mouth of the person seems to be the source of my vexation. And, to further irk me, the delicate act of chewing is done on a daily basis, around five times a day and at different intensities. Being the ever so polite human being I am, I kindly ask the other person to stop chewing like a cow and earn the very promising response, “Sorry.” For a few moments it stops and I think the other person heeds my request, only to hear loud, intolerable sound of lips smacking against each other in a repetitive pattern. At this point it takes all my mental strength not to turn around and say “Buddy, close your mouth, stop chewing like a cow and shut up before I come over there and tape that annoying mouth shut.”
For instance, during a certain class, I sit in front of a very kind girl who sadly, chews very disgustingly. The class would be pin drop silent, but her insolent chewing would pierce through the air, making me ever so slightly cringe. Due to her exuberance, I let her excessive chewing slide, but as the days passed, my patience was wearing thin. So, one day I crack and I tell her to stop. Not only did she not listen, but got even louder subconsciously. At this point, I am done.
Did you know that you can chew without making a sound? No? That is ok, in this paragraph I will be teaching you how to chew as quietly as a mouse. So first, pop a bite of cereal into your stinky mouth. As you know, cereal is a very noisy breakfast, but don’t let that dishearten you. The little nibblets absorb the saliva in your mouth and will make the sound of crunching softer, making it safe for you to gnaw on the little pellets of air. To motivate yourself to help solve this problem, think of the food swishing around someone else’s mouth; that should get you in line.