Love is in the air this week, but it isn’t quite a one-size-fits-all. Whether it’s a bouquet of roses or a homemade dinner, the way one person shows and receives love varies and one gesture can mean more to someone than another. This is the meaning behind the five love languages developed by Gary Chapman, showcasing how we all have different approaches to love, both romantic and platonic. So, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, here is a guide to love languages and how to properly show your partner (or your friends) that you care.
Gift Giving / Receiving
If your love language is gift giving, you show your love by giving your partner gifts to show you were thinking of them. A common misconception is that these individuals are materialistic, but the best gifts a person can receive are handmade. Of course, I’m sure no one would complain if they got an extravagant or expensive gift in the name of love, but here are some smaller ways to show a person whose love language is gifting some appreciation:
- Give them a DIY gift (great for college students on a budget. For example, there are plenty of tutorials out there about how to make a bouquet out of paper. Add a romantic twist by using pages from your partner’s favorite book or sheet music of their favorite song)
- Buy them some snacks, you can’t go wrong with a box of chocolates
- If your partner gives you a gift, use it! Wear the clothes they gave you or show off the bracelet they made for you! It’s as easy as that.
Physical Touch
If your love language is physical touch, you enjoy being affectionate and close to your partner (and this doesn’t necessarily have to be sex). You might find yourself gravitating towards your partner and enjoy publicly displaying your relationship. Here are some examples of things you can do to show your partner who enjoys physical touch some love:
- Give your partner a massage
- Be physically present. Put your arm around your partner while watching a movie! Hold hands in public! It doesn’t have to be too complicated as long as you’re there.
- Put on some music and dance! It may seem silly, but it can be a close intimate experience.
Words of Affirmation
If your love language is words of affirmation, you probably said “I love you” first because you show your love by being verbally supportive of your partner. You constantly reassure or praise your partner and might be the type to send good morning or “I’m thinking of you” texts. Here are some ways to appreciate your partner whose love language is words of affirmation:
- Express your appreciation, whether it’s with a heartfelt “thank you” or outright saying “I appreciate you”
- Tell them that you love them, and do it regularly.
- Give them appreciative notes! Write a love letter (which can also be used for those gift lovers out there) or simply compliment them!
Acts of Service
If your love language is acts of service, then it means you enjoy doing helpful things for your loved ones. You go out of your way to complete chores or other tasks and you might feel the most loved when someone does the same for you, especially when they do things they don’t particularly enjoy because they know it will make you happy. Here are some things a person whose love language is acts of service might appreciate:
- Completing chores or other household tasks (which would be even more appreciated during this upcoming exam season when stress is high and free time is low)
- Making a homemade meal (and cleaning up the dishes after)
- Simply showing up to important events or occasions in their life
Quality Time
If your love language is quality time, you enjoy spending meaningful time with your partner. You appreciate undivided attention and meaningful conversation and have probably tried the famous “36 questions to fall in love” experiment. There are so many ways to spend quality time together, like playing a board game or watching a movie, but here are a few more examples to show love to your partner whose love language is quality time:
- Travel! You can plan a vacation or just check out a new store, coffee shop, or museum.
- Try out one of your partner’s hobbies together. Show interest in something they’re passionate about!
- Best of all, get off your phone! Turn your notifications off and don’t check them for the duration of being together—it means so much more than you may think.
Hopefully, this guide gave you a quick look into the love languages and some ways to appreciate your partner this Valentine’s Day. If you need some help figuring out your love language, check out the website https://5lovelanguages.com where you can find a variety of quick quizzes. Compromise is important in a healthy relationship so remember that just because your partner doesn’t like physical touch as much as you do does not mean you aren’t compatible, it just means that you show and receive love differently! Take some time, talk to your partner, and figure out what works best for both of you so everyone can feel loved this holiday season.
References:
Davis, Tchiki. “What Are the 5 Love Languages? Definition and Examples”. Psychology Today, 28 September, 2020, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/202009/what-are-the-5-love-languages-definition-and-examples.