Recently I learned an important lesson about myself. For as long as I can remember, I have been comparing myself and my abilities to those around me. Whether it was sibling rivalry over grades in school or trying to have the latest and greatest clothes to compete with the girls in my classes, I have always tried to be the very best I can be. That doesn’t seem like a bad thing does it? Well, it’s not…until something doesn’t go the way I planned and my personal expectations are not met.Â
This has been an ongoing occurrence in my life and I want to elaborate on why it is painful to realize that failure happens to everyone and that it doesn’t mean that I didn’t try my very best.
Let’s go back to when times seemed easier and the only thing I had to worry about was what time dance practice was after school. It was in these middle school days that my brother began to get better grades than I did and boy, did my dad let me know it. My parents were always hard on both of us to succeed in school simply because they wanted us to lead better lives for ourselves. Through high school, I cared a lot more about my social life than I did about my grades and again, my dad let me know that fact very well. When it came time to worry about college and such, my dad told me something that has stuck in my mind. “Just focus on keeping your 3.2 GPA and let me worry about the rest.” At first, I took this with a grain of salt like most things he told me but now, years later, I’ve figured out why it bothered me. It bothered me because I strive to prove people wrong. In fact, it has become the driving force of what I wake up and do each and every day. I didn’t want to be defined by that GPA and I didn’t want my dad to just take care of everything for me.
Another driving force in why I work hard each day roots itself in the people I surrounded myself with a few years ago. I focused my whole life around a boy (stupid, trust me, I know) that put down my aspirations and made a joke out of everything I wanted to become. I vividly remember being asked how I, of all people, was accepted into a good university. Low blow to my self-esteem to say the least, huh…So I guess therefore, I’ve been very motivated and frankly, I’m thankful because I’m doing better because of it.
Anyway, so far in college, I have increased my GPA substantially and have laid out a path for myself that I never thought was possible. I’ve found a balance between extracurricular activities and school and I think I’ve done one hell of a job. Recently, however, this revelation has subsided in my mind and I’ve thought otherwise.Â
From that, I have learned something valuable. Everyone has failures and accepting that concept is difficult. After being motivated to be the best I can be and doing more than I ever imagined, failing has become my biggest fear and downfall. For every time my self-expectations are not met, I have to treat it as a lesson that no one is perfect. I am not defined by my failures. No one is and that is a healthy reminder that it happens to everyone; failure is inevitable so accept it, build from it, and move on when it comes.