Having a uterus can suck. Once a month your body betrays you, shedding the uterine lining, dragging your happiness out with it. When its arrival is unexpected, the horror of seeing red when you go to the bathroom compares to none other, especially when you’re unarmed. Countless pairs of panties have been lost in the battle against the period, but all that changed when the period tracking app came along. This knight in bright pink pixels was just the hero womankind needed. That is, until it betrays the one it serves. The fear of getting your period doesn’t even compare to the fear of when it doesn’t come at all.
1 Day Late
According to the cute, pink app on your phone, today is the day. You check for red and slap on a panty liner and wait. You feel proud of yourself for taking precaution and preparing for the moment it may come. You check constantly, but still nothing. The entire day goes by. Nothing. You remind yourself that the period is a fickle thing and will come when it’s ready. At night you wear a nighttime pad, because you’re so sure that it will make its attack in your sleep.
2 Days Late
Your period did not come over night. Unusual, you think, but one day is one day. You’re fine you tell yourself. Today is the day that it will come. You put on another panty liner and await its arrival. Hours go by, and still nothing. It’ll come today, it has to. The period tracker said it would, and it has never lied to you in the past. But… what if? What if it’s not coming today? Why would it not come today? It has to come today, it has to. And if it doesn’t come today, it’ll probably come at night when you’re sleeping. That’s not unusual. That’s happened before. Yeah, it’ll probably come tonight.
3 Days Late
You wake up, check your pants, and still no red. Okay so there’s no reason for it not to come, right? You did hangout with that one guy last week, but you were safe, so there’s no way that anything could’ve happened. Unless something did happen that you weren’t paying attention to, or you’re forgetting a major detail. What did he do down there? No. You were safe, there’s no way. There’s no possible way. It has to come. It has to. Because you’re not… so it will. But to be on the safe side, you consider walking to a drug store and picking up a pregnancy test or five. No. You’re fine, you tell yourself. You’re going to get your period today. It will happen and everything will be alright.
4 Days Late
You’re screwed. That’s it. You must be pregnant. There’s no other possible explanation for why it still hasn’t come. Logically, you know you can’t be because you were safe, but you’re able to convince yourself otherwise despite of this fact. It was immaculately conceived, there’s no other way. Unless something happened and you weren’t as safe as you thought you were. You have to be pregnant. How will you tell the father? How will you tell your parents? You can’t support a baby; you can barely take care of yourself. You hope the baby won’t be ugly. Like, you’re good looking, and he’s good looking, but a combination of the both of you might not turn out great. You check for a baby bump and remind yourself that it’s still too early to have one. Oh god. You think about how horrible pregnancy will be. You’re gonna get bigger, your feet will grow, your face will break out, you’ll be gassy. And worst of all, there another human being inside of you that you’re going to have to take care of, because it’s just a helpless little creature, and it’s not its fault that it’s inside you. A pregnancy test. That’s what you need and not one from a drug store, because you’ve heard stories about false positives. You decide that tomorrow you will see a doctor about it.
Day 1 of Your Period
Last night you had a horrible nightmare about babies. Babies everywhere. It was so intense that it woke you up. You feel weird. You feel… damp. You look down and smile. Never have you been so happy to see red on your sheets. You feel like you could do an intensely choreographed dance number, but you won’t because the cramps are too bad. The rest of your day is wonderful and you feel free. You pat your tummy. One day, your uterus will have a baby in it, and on that day you’ll be ready. But today is not that day. So rejoice and be glad! Your period can be a wonderful thing!