Everything you know is a lie. In my 20 years on this earth, I have learned that only three things in life are true: the moon landing was staged; Tupac is alive and works at a Giant Eagle in my hometown; and Michael Buble confesses to a murder in his songs. Confused? So was I, until I put all the pieces together! Read on to find out more!
Evidence #1: The Beginning – “Haven’t Met You Yet”
Suspect Lyrics: “And I know that we can be so amazing/ And baby your love is gonna change me/ And now I can see every possibility […] And promise you kid I’ll give so much more than I get/ I just haven’t met you yet”
So, this is pre-discovery of his victim. He seems somewhat normal at this point, but if you look at the lyrics closely, it is clear that there is a highly unhealthy hunger…a thirst, a desperation. Talking about how he is going to change, how he is going to give more than he will get – does that sound like someone who is ready for a healthy relationship? The answer is no, and the other songs in his fittingly titled “Crazy Love” album reflect this: “All I do is Dream of You”; “You’re Nobody Until Somebody Loves You” – We shrugged it off and jammed to the beat. Oh, how we were wrong.
Evidence #2: The Honeymoon Phase – cover of Sinatra’s “You Make Me Feel So Young”
Suspect Lyrics: “You make me feel so young/ You make me feel as spring has sprung/ And every time I see you grin/ I’m such a happy individual”
This is when things are going well for him. “Hey, I’m so happy! Let me sing about it to the whole wide world using songs that older people wrote and sang before me!” If there’s one thing that can be said, it’s that love certainly doesn’t spark Michael’s creativity. “You Make Me Feel So Young,” “To Love Somebody,” “You’ve Got a Friend in Me,” “To Be Loved,” – all emphasize not only his happiness, but his obsession. But you know what they say; what goes up, must come down.
Evidence #3: The Breakup – “At This Moment”, “Beautiful Day”, “Whatever it Takes”, “End of May”, “Heartache Tonight”
- “At This Moment”
Suspect Lyrics: what did you think/ I would say at this moment/ When I’m faced with the knowledge/ That you just don’t love me?/ Did you think I would curse you/ Or say things to hurt you/ Cause you just don’t love me no more”
Oh boy, oh boy, feel the pain as he realizes that this woman he was obsessed with has found another man, does not love him anymore, and is going to move on. This whole situation kicks off the steps of loss that will lead to this girl’s murder. He refrains through this song, “You know I would never hurt you.” Yea, right.
- “Beautiful Day”
Suspect Lyrics: “’Cause you may not believe/ That baby, I’m relieved/ When you said goodbye, my whole world shined […] And even if it started raining/ You won’t hear this boy complaining/ ‘Cause I’m glad that you’re the one who got away/ It’s a beautiful day”
Don’t be fooled by the upbeat music – this is a sad, sad song. This is a song about a man who has been cut deeply, hurt beyond measure, and who is in denial about it, trying to convince himself he is better off without her, that he is glad she dumped him. We know better. Have you seen the music video for this? People walk around him doing cartwheels, dance numbers, and confetti everywhere in the middle of the street as the girl who dumps him looks on incredulously. Sad!
- “Whatever it Takes”
Suspect Lyrics: “Whatever it takes, my love, I’ll find it/ Whatever it takes my love/ To put the lonely days behind us/ I’m laying it down/ Whatever it takes my love”
Bargaining. Now he’s getting desperate. “Please take me back baby please I’ll do whatever it takes!” We all know what follows this one…
- “End of May”
Suspect Lyrics: “Now you’re gone and there’s still bills to pay/ And you know it doesn’t help to make believe, you’re sitting next to me/ It doesn’t help, to make believe that you are right behind me/ Saying it’s okay.”
Depression. Poor guy. Unfortunately, what follows isn’t acceptance – this is where he loses it.
- “Heartache Tonight”
Suspect Lyrics: “Somebodys gonna hurt someone/ Before the night is through/ Somebodys gonna come undone/ Theres nothin we can do.”
Annnnnddd this is where he loses it. This is the exact moment he decides what he is going to do. This obsessive, desperate, heartbroken shell of a man is going to take matters into his own hands. It gets ugly from here.
Evidence #4: The Murder – “Cry Me a River”, “Feeling Good”
- “Cry Me a River”
Suspect Lyrics: “You drove me nearly out of my head/ While you never shed a tear, babe/ Remember, I remember all that you said/ You told me love was too plebeian/ Told me you were through with me/ And now you say you love me/ Well, just to prove that you do/ Why don’t you cry me a river/ Cry me a river/ ‘Cause I cried a river over you, over you”
Angry, vengeful, hellbent on retribution. This is Buble at his most raw. There is not an ounce of empathy here, not an ounce of mercy. What happens next is the murder, but of course, there is no song specifically about that. What comes after, though, is…
- “Feeling Good”
Suspect Lyrics: “Birds flying high/ You know how I feel/ Sun in the sky/ You know how I feel/ Breeze driftin’ on by/ You know how I feel/ It’s a new dawn, It’s a new day, It’s a new life, For me/ And I’m feeling good”
Meditating on his actions in the woods, Michael finally reaches acceptance. He has freed himself of all depression, anxiety, anger, by reaping his vengeance. Finally, he is happy. Do you think he feels guilt about this? Remorse? Tell that to his new album, conveniently titled…
Evidence #5: The Aftermath – “Nobody But Me”
Suspect Lyrics: “I don’t want anybody loving my baby/ Nobody, nobody, nobody but me/ And I don’t want anybody thinking just maybe/ Nobody, nobody, nobody but me”
NOBODY BUT ME. COME ON. IT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES. He admits to exactly how he feels in the namesake song! Heartbroken, morally and emotionally destitute, Michael has lost all empathy, and has decided that if he can’t love his girl, then nobody can. And he guaranteed that…in the worst way possible.
Michael, the jig is up. Time to fess up! You were clever, for sure, leaving all these little breadcrumbs. But you were no match for this super sleuth! Open your eyes, Sheeple!
That said, I still love your music. Great albums, all of them.