I got engaged almost a year ago now and I’m getting married in July. I know there are plenty of people that think I’m too young to know what I want and that this is a big commitment to make at only 22 years old. I deal with the looks of confusion when I say fiancé instead of boyfriend and the surprise when I say part of my post-grad plans are planning our wedding. Now, most people are super supportive of and excited for me. They get really interested in what I have done already in terms of wedding planning but there are the skeptics and I’m here to tell you why you should get married whenever the hell you want.
We all know that it used to be very common for women to get married young because it was the woman’s job to take care of the home and she needed a husband for financial support. Well, we all know now that that’s just crap. So, for a while women generally weren’t getting married young because they were having careers and being independent. Well now I (and many other women like me) are saying why not both? I can absolutely be married and still travel, have a career, and be independent. My fiancé and I absolutely have a list of places we want to see…together. He absolutely expects me to go to work and make money and contribute financially to our family. We both absolutely respect the other’s independence and know that while we could spend every day together, we want to spend time with our friends sometimes too (and having a garage where he can go with his friends while I’m inside with mine really helps with this). I think after women said “oh heck no!” to getting married young for the purpose of being supported and taking care of the house, some were reluctant to getting married young for fear of that perception. However, I think that now it’s 2015 and you can absolutely be a feminist and still get married at 22…I am.
Another worry many have for people who get married young is that you still have growing up to do and you don’t really know what this person is going to be like in 20 years. True. But, how will that change at 30? I mean, I don’t know a lot about being 30, but, I do know that I probably won’t be all grown up by then. We’re human and we are constantly growing and changing as people. What’s important is that you and your partner have the ability to grow and change together. Dustin and I have been together since we were 16. We have already grown and changed a lot and we have been able to do so together.
“Are you sure he’s the one you’re supposed to be with for the rest of your life?” This is such a weird question. Yes, from the moment I saw him I knew there was something there. Yes, I WANT to spend the rest of my life with him—we’re a good fit. But, I’m not naïve enough to say that he’s the only person in the world I could ever love or even marry. God forbid, if something happened to him, I think after some time I would be able to find someone else who I could love very much, and I would want the same for him were something to happen to me. But, that doesn’t mean he’s not the one I should marry. I feel like asking someone if they’re meant to be is such a loaded question. While I’m a believer in a greater plan for me, I also believe that we are in control of our lives. If your eyes are open and you aren’t blinded by love and the situation you’re in, you’ll be able to tell if he/she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Whether you believe in destiny, fate, God’s plan, whatever, you have to listen to your own heart because that’s what’s going to tell you if you’re supposed to be together: do you have fun together, can you have serious conversations together, can you argue respectfully, can you be together in silence, does he/she challenge you to be a better person? These are things that will tell you if you want to spend your life together.
Bottom line, life is unpredictable. We don’t know what’s going to happen but if you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and you’re ready to do it at 22 then do it but if you’re not ready then don’t. If they’re not ready, then don’t. You will know when you’re ready and your with the right person. Don’t get married too soon because it’s the person you want and don’t get married at a certain time because the time is right but you’re not sure about the person. The reasons I know I have the right time and right person are difficult to explain to you but trust me when I say, you’ll know. Whether it’s when you’re 22 or 35, you’ll know. It may require a leap of faith into the unknown but if you’re OK with that, then do it. But, get married whenever the hell you want because trust me, you’ll know.