Let’s talk about hair. Yes, those carbon-based strands that slowly ooze out of your head. Many use hair as a way of self-expression; to make a statement that can be as temporary or indefinite as the wearer chooses. From elegant ballerina buns to multicolored spiked mowhawks, hair more often than not reflects the person it is attached to. Personality, creativity, adventurousness: these are all reflected in one’s hair.
When someone changes their hair drastically, people tend to assume that a major life change caused the chop. Is she going through a break up? Is she rebelling against her parents? Is she starting to date other women? Hair is perceived as being attached to one’s identity more than one’s resume or Facebook profile.
Dramatic hairstyle changes of celebrities become headlines of online news sources. If you ask anyone who has not lived under a Wi-Fi-free rock for the past few years to think of recent celebrity hairstyle changes, you will probably hear names like Emma Watson, Miley Cyrus, or Jennifer Lawrence. All of these celebs have one thing in common: they were once defined by their hair. Who could forget Miley’s extremely long brunette tresses from her Hannah Montana days, or Emma’s trademark frizzy Hermione hairdo, or JLaw’s signature Katniss side braid? Another thing these women have in common? They broke free from their previous brand-recognized hair styles, not allowing past projects to trap them in a stereotype or inhibit them from future success. They felt that it was time for a change.
Recently, I have also felt that it was time for a change. For over a decade of my life, I have kept the exact same hair style. Well, I did dabble in side bangs and layers once upon a time, but for the majority of my life, I kept my hair long and uninhibited. Varying from mid-length to elbow length, my hair was always wild, demanding attention, and all over the place like a toddler hopped up on sugar. And I liked it that way. Having long unruly hair made me feel free and mystical, like a flowerchild from a Led Zeppelin inspired dream. Truly, for a long time I felt freedom in my unapologetically long and unkempt hair. Or at least I did.
As time wore on, I began to feel trapped and lost in my long hair. I hated styling it because there was too much of it to deal with properly and I gave up on trying. The feature that once made me feel unique, beautiful, and free had become the bonds that tied me down. I knew that I had to break free of the knots my hair had entangled me in.
So I made a decision: it was time for the big chop. Going to the hairdresser that January morning had me shivering in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with the cold. I explained to my hairdresser that I wanted to donate my hair to Locks of Love; I thought that if my hair could make someone else feel as beautiful and free as it once made me feel, then this change could be good for more than just me. I sat back in the chair, closed my eyes, and said a silent farewell to fourteen inches of my identity.
As soon as the first braid was snipped from my head, I immediately felt lighter, like a weight had just been lifted from my shoulders (figuratively and physically). I felt giddy, and couldn’t help but giggle as slowly most of my hair was severed from my head. I felt liberated and shook out my short bouncy locks, sensing how they swung through the air so lightly, so freely, like they were taking to the sky, no longer weighed down, unapologetically.
Running my fingers through my hair, it felt as if I was being introduced to a new friend, the kind of introduction where there is an immediate connection and you just know that great things will come from the relationship. Rather than pulling my hand through several inches of coarse tangles, my hand almost immediately found the air again above my shoulders, a new feeling, but not an unwelcome one.
The liberating feeling that I felt that day was not matched again until three months later when I decided to get an undercut. If having fourteen inches chopped off did not cause the earth to be flung off of its axis and hurl into the sun, then what is a few more inches above the neck? Again, I was nervous right before the cut, especially when my stylist clicked on the razor, but feeling the buzz of the razor against my scalp felt like a relaxing massage as clumps of my hair fell around my twirling feet. Liberated, I couldn’t stop myself from running my fingers through the short bristles and grinning like a child. Walking down the street after the buzz, I felt confident: light as a feather, but tough as nails.
At this point, I was beginning to feel like an adrenaline junkie, except instead of flinging myself out of planes with a parachute strapped to my back, I just kept innovating my hair. So I decided to do another first with my hair: it was time to color it. For years I had been too scared to color my hair because I was afraid of the damage it would cause, but after everything else my hair had been through in the past six months, I justified to myself that if anything terrible happened that I could always just shave it all off and start fresh. With this comforting thought in mind, I decided to start small and just get some balayage highlights done in a honey blonde color. Again, I felt giddy and free and liberated while the color was applied to my hair with a brush, making me feel like a canvas, like art. And what is hair really if not wearable art? I felt like a goddess wearing a crown gilded in gold leaving the salon on that warm May evening.
My hair and I have certainly gone on an exciting journey as of late. Together we have been through thick and thin, through scissors, razors, and bleach to be exact. Our relationship has grown and has brought us to a happier place; what once weighed me down now inspires me and makes me feel liberated, beautiful, and free. I found my freedom in releasing my inhibitions towards my hair. If you are weighed down or in a rut, what can you do to make yourself feel beautiful and liberated? How will you find freedom today?