Halloween is quickly approaching, and to be quite honest, I don’t get all the hype. What is so exhilarating about dressing up as someone that you’re not, trick or treating, watching scary movies, and going to costume parties? If I had it my way, we’d just celebrate Christmas during the months of October, November, and December, and leave Halloween as a thing of the past. Here are five reasons why I hate Halloween:
1. Haunted Houses and Hayrides
Paying my own money to be scared and distressed? No thanks, I think I’ll pass. If I wanted to be scared like that I’d just take a look at my poor bank account.
2. Halloween Stores
Once the beginning of Fall rolls around, every empty building seems to be transformed into one of those dingy Halloween stores. As soon as you walk in, your nostrils are overcome by the horrendous smell of latex and whatever they put in smoke machines. And don’t even get me started on those decorations that move or yell once you walk by it or set off its sensor. I really don’t need to see a witch’s head spin around as fast as a racecar to get me through my day.
3. The Colors Orange and Black
The only reason you should be wearing orange and black together is if you’re a tiger. The color combination is tacky and nobody looks good in it, so why did we choose those two colors to represent Halloween? I mean I guess it’s only fitting that the worst color combination in the history of mankind is also the color scheme for the worst holiday in the history of mankind.
4. Costumes
Some people take deciding what to be for Halloween so seriously, you’d think they were deciding on who they were going to marry. There’s so much pressure to have the best and funniest Halloween costume. Cutting eyes and a mouth into a white sheet just won’t do it anymore. Your costume has to be clever, but not so clever that you have to keep telling everyone what you are, and it must have sex appeal, but not too much according to God knows who’s standards.
5. Scary Movies
The whole month of October I can’t flip through television channels in the comfort of my own home without being bombarded with scary movies. If I don’t want to go to a Haunted House, what makes you think I want to watch scary movie? I don’t care how “goals” snuggling up with bae to watch a scary movie is. The only Halloween show you’ll catch me watching is Halloween Wars on Food Network.
With all that said, go ahead and enjoy your bland tasting candy corn, cover your lawns with fake spider webs, and live up it while running door to door collecting candy that may or may not have razors in it. Just remember, once November 1st comes around it’s officially Christmastime, and your scary holiday will once again take the back burner to the actual best holiday.